Monday, 12-May-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Larry
Eustachy, I wanna party with you, dude ... Okay, so the Iowa State hoops coach
partied hardy with some Mizzou students back in January. And yes, that's him in the picture nursing
post-game brewskis and kissing the pretty coeds. Rumor has it he also got a little jiggy with it at a K-State frat
party over a year ago. But everyone's
missing the pattern here ... He lives in Iowa.
He leaves Iowa. He parties. He comes back to Iowa. He leaves again. He parties. Hell, you
would too if your peeps were Radar O'Reilly, Tom Arnold and Ray Kinsella's
in-laws. Every chance you'd get. Buh-bye, Larry.
Here's
yet another richly deserving inductee into the "Gee Ya Think" Hall of
Fame for The Brutally Obvious. A local
NASCAR expert gave us this gem on my hometown sports talk radio the other day
... "I have this theory about winning Winston Cup races. I believe if you consistently stay near the
front, you'll give yourself a chance to win." All together now, ready ???
Gee, ya think ???
And now
let's turn our attention to Mike Price freshly fired from his new gig as Bama
pig boss before he ever took the field for apparently producing and starring in
his very own personal episode of "G-String Divas: Room Service To Go"
in Pensacola, FL last month. Man, talk
about a date with Destiny. And her best
friend Stupidity too. That's a helluva
threesome there, Mike. Thanks for
playing "Who Wants To Commit Career Suicide?" and we've got some
lovely parting gifts for you.
Let's
listen in on the first stateside meeting between Ichiro Suzuki and Hideki
Matsui ... Konichiwa, Hideki-san.
Konichiwa, Ichiro-san. Welcome
to American besuboro, Hideki-san.
Arigato, Ichiro-san, and congratulations on your MVP award. Arigato, Hideki-san, so how do you like
living in the US so far ??? Anything I
can do to help you ??? You are most
kind, Ichiro-san. No, I am fine. I like New York very much. But there is one thing, Ichiro-san. Yes, what is it, Hideki-san ??? Some of my new Yankee teammates tell me
stories about a great man and that I must ask you about him. So tell me, Ichiro-san, who is this Mr
Miyagi and why must I wax his car and paint his fence ???
I must be
losing my mind ... Shortly after my Mavs put away the SacroKings in double OT
to win Game 3 on Saturday night, sideline mike Michele Tafoya spoke with Nick
"The Quick" Van Exel about his sizzling night ... 40 points, 7
boards, 7 assists ... And I swear I'm not making this up. She said and I quote ... "Nick, it
seemed Sacramento was heckbent on stopping you tonight but they just couldn't
do it. Your thoughts ???" No
kidding. Heckbent. As if anyone watching a thrilling NBA
playoff game on a Saturday night would be offended otherwise. Heckbent.
Hard to believe, Harry.
What I
can't figure out is why anybody's surprised that the Wizards gave Be Like the
executive boot last week. I mean,
c'mon, these are the Washington Wizards we're talking about here, folks. Obviously, they're much better off without
the greatest player of all time anywhere near their payroll. Just like they didn't need Ben Wallace, Pain
Webber, Rasheed Wallace or Rip Hamilton and traded them away too. And of course they had to toss His Airness
cause he yelled at Jerry "The Tumor" Stackhouse, Brenda Haywood and
Kwame Brown. Can't have those
<cough> studs in a funk, now can they ??? And all Mike did was sell out the place for two years
running. The nerve of that guy.
Charlotte's
new NBA expansion team announced its three finalists for a new team name last
week ... Sometime next month, owner Bob Johnson will pick ... drum roll, please
... either the Bobcats, the Dragons or the Flight. Or as I like to call them ... Lame, Lamer or Lamest.
Shave and
a haircut, two Mets.
"Tar
Heels New Coach Hunting Recruits" ... Yes, that was indeed one of the more
colorful headlines in The Charlotte Observer sports section a week or so
ago. Funny but I guess I didn't realize
recruiting was an outdoor activity. But
ever since taking over the Death Star three weeks ago, Roy "He's Not In
Kansas Anymore, Toto" Williams has appawentwy been vewy vewy busy twying
to snag some fwesh new pwayers. So
wet's be vewy vewy quiet. Woy's hunting
wee-kwoots.
Raise
your hand if you had Ducks vs Wild in the NHL Western Conference finals. Anyone ???
Anyone ??? Bueller ??? Anyone ???
How To
Tell If You're A True Sports Junkie, Chapter 43, Verse 17 ... When you read a
news story about the SARS virus and you see the WHO mentioned, you think ...
"Hey, I wonder who holds that heavyweight champeenship belt ???" Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.
Speaking
of my hometown Charlotte, we had a helluva fun time here this past week as the
PGA Tour returned for the first time since 1979 with the inaugural Wachovia
Championship worth a hefty $5.6 million dollar stack of coin. Great course, superb weather and each golfer
got his own loaner Mercedes to tool around town in all week long. And that's not all ... The wives were also
treated to a chartered jet to whisk them to Asheville, NC for a tour of the
famous Biltmore House. Sure hope those
Wachovia Bank customers enjoy those new ATM fees.
Seriously,
it was really cool having the Tour in town.
I'm not a golf nut by anyone's definition of the term but it's a
different story when the big boys are tin cupping it in your own backyard. Even if El Tigre was a disappointing late
scratch. I mean, hey, who needs Tiger
Woods when you got John Daly signing graphs and selling souvenirs outta the
back of his RV in the Hooters parking lot ???
Anyway, congratulations to David Toms who won the tournament despite his
last hole snowman. Although I'm
guessing that giant cardboard check for $1,008,000 oughta ease his pain just a
little.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.