Monday, 7-Apr-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
And so
we're down to The Two ... Syracuse contra Kansas. Naturally, the pre-game story is the upcoming end of The Quest
for either Jim Boeheim or Roy Williams, both anointed as "sentimental
favorites". Which begs the
question ... What exactly do you hafta do to get the "sentimental
favorite" nod ??? It wouldn't have
anything to do with curious histories of blowing more than just a few NCAA
games, would it ??? As in 1980 -- Iowa
88, No. 1 Syracuse 77 ... Or 1986 -- Navy 97, No. 2 Syracuse 85 ... Or 1991 --
Richmond 73, No. 2 Syracuse 69 ... Or 1992 -- UTEP 66, No. 1 Kansas 60 ... Or
1995 -- Virginia 67, No. 1 Kansas 58 ... Or 1998 -- Rhode Island 80, No. 1
Kansas 75. Nah, that can't be it. Must be something else.
With the
first pick in the 2003 World Team Tennis draft, the Kansas City Explorers
select Anna Kournikova. Yes indeed,
with her lethal combination of sultry sex appeal and a lousy backhand, the
sublime Miss K will be the obvious drawing card for the Explorers who, to their
credit, were honest enough last week to admit her marketing angle far outweighs
her groundstrokes ... Or to paraphrase the great Fernando Lamas, "It is
better to look good than to be good."
No truth to the rumor that the Detroit Tigers are now planning to swap
lineups with the University of Arizona women's softball squad.
I can
take a lot of the nonsense baseball tries to jam down our throats ... I can
take World Series games ending after midnight.
I can take nudge nudge wink wink steroid rumors. I can take payroll spreads more lopsided
than Lions vs Christians. I can take
pampered hitters who blame their Mendozian slumps on not getting enough love
from the fans. Hell, I can even take a
tied All-Star Game. But if the Pittsburgh
Pirates are ever seen in public again wearing those hideous all-yellow
uniforms, I swear to God I'm going postal.
Dear
Marquette, Sorry you missed the game.
Love, Kansas.
Could one
early-season baseball game possibly sum up the entire sad history of one
star-crossed baseball team ??? It sure
as hell can if that team is the Chicago Cubs.
Consider Friday night's game against the Reds in Cincy. Top of the seventh inning. The 1-2 pitch ... It's long, it's deep and I
don't think it's playable. Yep, home
run No. 500 for Sammy Sosa, easily the most adored Cubbie since Ernie
"Let's Blow Two" Banks. An
historic dinger cause not only is Sammy the first Latin player to the magic
500, he's also one of the youngest too so we can expect to see many more to
come. And many more of these too ...
Reds 10, Cubs 9.
If you
blinked you missed it but The Association floated a brief and seemingly
insignificant little news item last week ... Apparently, when the new Charlotte
team takes the floor beginning in 2004, they'll be an Eastern Conference
team. Which means someone's gotta move
over to the Western Conference.
Someone's gotta leave the East which has gone 4-16 against the West in
the last four NBA Finals since Be Like buried Utah. Someone's gotta go play against Shaq, KG, Yao, Tim Duncan, Pain
Webber, Dirk Diggler and the rest of the rugged rugged West. Someone's gotta go. See ya, New Orleans Hornets. Enjoy those 32-50 seasons.
Well,
it's finally official ... The dysfunctional Matt Doherty Era is over and Tar
Heel Nation has never been more screwed up.
And there are so many deliciously weird angles to this quote unquote
"resignation" too. Did the
players revolt ??? Heavens, no. Well, unless by "revolt", you mean
that several of them threatened to transfer.
Did the suits betray him ???
Absolutely not. Well, unless by
"betray", you mean the way they savaged him in a public press
conference. Did his temper do him in
??? Perish the thought. Well, unless by "temper", you mean
the times he ... gasp ... yelled at his players to try to get them to play
better. Was is about wins and losses
??? God forbid. And that is the one thing the faithful were
in complete and total agreement on. It
was not about the W's and L's ...
And if
you believe that, then I got a New York Rangers playoff ticket package for you
... I mean, imagine if you will that instead of 19-16 and enjoying spring break
in Cancun, Matt's Merry Men were in their spacious suites in the New Orleans
Hilton with a 38-0 record, the ACC title, a unanimous No. 1 ranking and
thoroughly pumped to annihilate the Jayhawks later tonight. Would his demeanor be such a problem then
??? Would taking away some elderly
widow's precious tickets or moving a few pictures around in the office halls be
such a cause celebre ??? 19-16 or 38-0
??? Should he stay or should he go
??? No further questions, your honor.
Ah, the
schedule is out. Whoops, I mean ... The
Schedule is out. Let's dream ahead to a
few NFL gems-in-waiting, shall we ???
Week 1 ... Supe champ Bucs at Iggles in The Linc. Here's hoping the first game in the new
Philly playpen beats the old one's sad finale.
Week 5 ... Zona at Dallas in The Hole.
Watch and giggle as Emmitt runs for 250 and four sixes. Also Week 5 ... Indy at Tampa. Hi, Tony, welcome back. Wanna watch your old D at work again
??? Week 9 ... Jints at J-E-T-S in
Hoffa Stadium. Always great fun
listening to the Jints bitch about changing locker rooms. Feel the power.
More
baseball glovelets ... Ken Huckaby's knee 1, Derek Jeter's shoulder 0 ... Long
fly ball 1, Ken Griffey Jr's shoulder 0 ... Greg Maddux's ERA 11.00, Greg
Maddux's fantasy owners 0.00 ... Kansas City Small Market Royals 5-0,
Pittsburgh Small Market Pirates 5-1, Montreal No Market Expos 4-2, Bud Light's Milwaukee
Small Market Brewers 0-6 ... A-Rod 300 dingers, Rangers 3 games behind Oakland
... And finally, Kirby Puckett's lawyers 1, Kirby Puckett's reputation 0.
Uh oh, a
poochie scandal ... That's right, it's the movie "Best In Show" come
to life as an investigation is now underway to determine if a 3-year-old
Pekingese named Denny, this year's top dog at London's ultra-prestigious Crufts
dog show, had gotten ... Are you ready for this ??? ... Had gotten an illegal facelift. That's right, some of Denny's jealous competitors are insisting
that El Pupperino went under the knife and thus shoulda been disqualified from
the show. No word on when the
inevitable Barbara Walters interview will take place ... "So tell me,
Denny, did your facewift hurt as much as mine ??? And if you could pee on a twee, on what kind of twee would you
pee ???"
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.