Monday, 17-Feb-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Michael
Waltrip's feeling no pain as he took the checkered flag at the rain-shortened
Daytona 275 on Sunday. In sixteen years
of racing, Waltrip has buckled his seat belt 535 times and won just three races
... With all three coming at the famous Daytona tri-oval in just the last two
years. Who knows, maybe he's starting
to get the hang of it. Meanwhile,. Dale
Earnhardt Jr, the overwhelming pre-race favorite, saw his Victory Lane chances
go puff daddy when his battery died.
Um, you know, I don't mean to sound ignorant here but ain't one of them
fellers supposed to like check Little E's battery beforehand ??? I know I get mine checked every 3,000 miles
during a lube, oil and filter job and I'm not racing for a $1,400,000 check.
Of all
the games played all over the world, cricket baffles me the most by far. But see if this doesn't put a little hop in
your step ... "Dreadlocked plumber Austin Codrington took five for 27 as
Bangladesh, chasing Canada's modest 180 all out, struggled on a bouncy pitch
before being dismissed for 120 in 28 overs on Tuesday." Makes no sense at all but something cool
musta happened, right ??? Alright, now
try this one ... Codrington said, "In the conditions, all we had to do was
bowl in the channel just outside off-stump, maintain line and length often
enough and then good things would come.
And they did." Well, of
course, they did. All you gotta do is
bowl in the channel outside off-stump ... And the good Lord willing, things
will work out.
Here's
yet another inductee to The Hall Of Fame For The Brutally Obvious ... Seems
Toyota is planning another factory, this one in San Antone, to build still more
Toyota Tundras, their massive V-8 pickup truck. When pressed for further details at a press gig last Monday,
Toyota boss Fujio Cho admitted his product planners didn't think much of the
American market for full-sized pickup trucks until ... drum roll, please ...
They were all invited to attend a Dallas Cowboys home game several years
ago. With special emphasis placed on
touring the tailgate parties in the parking lot. Hello, McFly.
Ain't no
flies on Ch. Torums Scarf Michael, a kerry blue terrier better known as
"Mick", who took The Big Milkbone at Westminster last Tuesday
night. Rumors after the show hinted
that some of Mick's disappointed competitors were blaming their handlers. One was fired but immediately signed a rich
deal to train cats in Detroit. Another
was canned and replaced by a well-traveled tuna salesman. And yet another was traded to another breed
for first and second picks of the next two litters plus a year's supply of
kibbles and bits.
Are there
any other completely and utterly insane Michaels out there ??? If it's not Mr Jackson, last seen climbing
trees, dangling babies, sleeping with 14-year-olds and denying he's had plastic
surgery ... Then it's Mr Tyson who apparently got some kind of large
"African tribal thing" tattoo on his face and then just stopped
training for his upcoming fight against some jebeep named Clifford
Etienne. Maybe these two could sing a
duet together. How about "Lunatic
Fringe" ???
Boys,
those clubs of his sure sucked, didn't they, Phil ??? If you missed this little stir, Phil Mickelson took some recent
shots at El Tigre's tools claiming that Cash Spice would be even better if he
dumped his supposedly inferior Nike gear for better clubs. Good move, Phil. Final scores from the Buick Invitational ... 1. Woods, 272,
16-under-par, $810,000 ... 4. Mickelson, 278, 10-under-par, $186,000. Next time try bashing Tiger for his taste in
exotic blonde Swedish babes. That'll
rattle him for sure, dude.
And so
Dennis "Don't Be A Fool, Stay In School" Erickson is the new Niners
head coach. Yawn. Have fun playing .500 ball for the next five
years, fellas. Seriously, was this the
best the Most Blessed And Holy NFL Franchise could come up with ??? Sure, Erickson's been a college coaching
stud ... See "Pitino, Rick" for further reference ... But he went
31-33 with Sleeping In Seattle in four thoroughly mediocre years. Meanwhile, Art Shell and Dennis Green are
still out there with lengthy resumes and solid winning records. Astrophysics not.
Okay, so
you're Phineas T and you haven't sipped World Series bubbly since way back in
2000. Your payroll is now hovering
around $180 million which means you're gonna get a painful luxury tax kick in
the teeth sometime soon. You've fired
all the front office little people you can think of. You've dropped hints that skipper Joe Torre's seat might get a
little warmer this season. But you're
still not happy. So what do you do
??? You openly question the focus and
work ethic of Derek Jeter, arguably your most valuable player, and you also
toss Jason Giambi's personal trainer out of the clubhouse. Hey, cheer up, Big Stein, maybe George
Costanza will order the right calzone this time.
Well,
whadda you know, maybe there's hope for civilization yet ... Especially after
St Vincent-St Mary's, LeBron James' high school in Akron, Ohio, told ESPN to
take a flying leap in response to the cable behemoth's request to televise
LeBron's final regular season game.
Look, I love the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network. Best invention since canned beer. But the school is dead on 100% right. You can't hype the kid to the highest hills
and then scold him for acting like you meant it. This means you, Dickie V.
Bobby
Bonds' kid has 600 dingers. And Bobby
Hull's kid now has 700 goals. Terry
Metcalf's kid is 35 years old. Hell,
Tony Dorsett's kid has been in the NFL for 7 seasons now. And I don't even wanna think about how long
Bob Boone's kids have been in The Show.
And then there's Tim Raines Jr, Jose Cruz Jr, Tony Armas Jr, Jerry
Hairston Jr, Sandy Alomar Jr, Mike Dunleavy Jr and of course Ken Griffey
Jr ... And don't forget Sean Burroughs,
Preston Wilson, Jon and Brent Barry, Mike Bibby and Grant Hill. Sigh, this isn't even funny anymore.
Rest in
peace, Kid Gavilan. Say hey to Sugar
Ray Robinson for us.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.