Monday, 3-Feb-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Anybody
remember the mayhem that happened when the Cleveland Injuns had 10¢ Beer Night
back in 1974 ??? Well, get ready for
Free Beer Sunday at Daytona. Yep,
that's right, Miller Lite, sponsor of Rusty Wallace's No. 2 Dodge, said last
week that each fan will get a coupon for a free six pack if Rusty wins the
Daytona 500 later this month. Hey, what
a great idea ... Let's give 200,000 already well-lubricated NASCAR fans six
more cold ones for the ride home.
Tastes great. Less filling. Tastes great. Less filling.
From our
"I Must Be Losing My Mind" department ... LeBron James wakes up one
day with a $50,000 Hummer in his driveway and the Ohio high school suits do an
Officer Barbrady and look the other way.
But then he gets the Peter Warrick discount on $845 worth of throwback
jerseys and, just like that, LeBron's high school career is cinnamon raisin
toast. Yeah, I guess they showed him,
huh ??? No more games on ESPN or in
famous arenas like Pauley Pavilion for you, young man. Let that be a lesson to you.
This way,
please, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone
move to the front in an orderly fashion.
Step down, please. Step down. Step down, there you go. Thank you for riding on the Tar Heels
Bandwagon. Thank you, sir, you have a
nice day, too. Yes, we'll see you again
when the Tar Heels stop losing. Quickly
please, folks, we have a lot of passengers who wish to get off. Thank you, ma'am. Okay, step down. Step
down. Watch that last step, sir, it's a
doozie. Bye for now. Buh-bye.
You take care now. See ya. Ta-ta.
Pro
Bowl. Click.
More on
LeBron James ... I think I speak for all of us when I say ... Wes Unseld's
throwback jersey goes for $450 bucks ???
You gotta be kidding me. Wes
Unseld ??? Also, while I freely admit I
have no idea what it's like to grow up in LeBron's situation, I can't help but
wonder why he couldn't just wait a coupla months. I mean, I'm not even talking about graduation ... Just wait until
hoops season is over and then feast away on all the bling bling you can
handle. You coulda had Coleman get you
the lobster *and* the cracked crab for lunch, dude.
I'm with
Vince Carter. The hell with the fans
who might want to see Be Like's last chance to start an NBA All-Star Game
... If I was Vince, I'd do the exact
same thing and tell Mike to take a hike ... I mean, who is Vince to deny us our
right to see yet another pampered, injured, selfish, ringless, highlight ho
instead of His Airness ??? You're right,
Vince, it's an outrage. Don't even
think about letting him start in your place, bro.
NHL
All-Star Game. Click.
In honor
of the incredible Annika Sorenstam and her possible invite to play in a men's
PGA tournament ... A one, a two, a one, two, three, four ... Some boys take a
beautiful girl ... And hide her away from the rest of the world ... I wanna be
the one to walk in the sun ... Oh girls they wanna play golf ... Oh girls just
wanna play golf ... They just a-wanna
... They just a-wanna-a ... Oh girls just wanna play golf ... Girls ... They
wanna play ... Wanna play golf ... Oh girls just wanna play golf ... They just
a-wanna. Girls just wanna play golf.
Here's
another great idea from the "Why Didn't We Think Of This Sooner" file
... Hamilton County (Ohio) commish Todd Portune is talking about suing the
Bungles for violating terms of their new stadium lease agreement. And the violation is for ... drum roll,
please ... Not fielding a competitive NFL team. Sheer brilliance. A
couple of legal experts chimed in afterwards saying that Portune's gonna have a
tough sell trying to prove they haven't been competitive. Try 55-137 over the last dozen seasons,
boys. That's some serious stank.
Speaking
of the NFL, let's do one more Supe wrap-up, shall we ??? Look, I don't have a problem with Celine
Dion belting out "God Bless America". Well, I mean, other than Celine Dion singing at all, I don't. And I'm not too terribly upset with Shania
Twain, another Canadian, doing the halftime gig. Especially in that "Darth Vader As Oakland Cheerleader
Cross-Dresser" outfit. But if
you're gonna take Sting outta cold storage, the least you can do is tell him
not to do a Police song without Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland. Sheesh, is nothing sacred any more ???
Did
somebody swipe the NBA's pot of decaf ???
Because The Association is one angry league these days. If it isn't Ron "Stop Me Before I
Detonate Again" Artest, then we got either Al Harrington, Morris Peterson
or Juwan Howard sitting out suspensions or losing coin for fights and
taunts. Hell, even Jazz coach Jerry
Sloan got thumbed for seven games for shoving a zebra. Man, we haven't seen someone in Utah get
that torqued since The Donny And Marie Show got axed. And for sheer irony, think about this ... The NHL now has less
fights than the NBA. Go figure.
Sometimes
you feel like a nut. Sometimes you
don't. Arizona Wildcats got nuts. Arizona Wildcats don't.
Sigh,
talk about your basic slippery slope.
It's obvious the WNBA is struggling.
The Miami Sol burned out. As did
the Orlando Need-A-Miracle. Portland's
Fire went out too. Utah is moving to
San Antone and Charlotte still has no front office and no coach. And the players are unhappy with their
contracts and talking labor wars. But
now here comes the Mohegan Indian Tribe to rescue the Miracle and relocate them
to Connecticut where they will play in a 10,000 seat arena located inside the
tribe's Mohegan Sun casino. Yes, you
read that right ... A casino ... gulp ... now owns a sports franchise. Good luck, ladies. Don't forget to hit on 16, stick on 17.
Boy, I
sure hope the Bahston Red Sox know what they're doing. Cause it seems they've got plans to put
about 300 seats on top of Fenway's legendary Green Monstah wall behind left
field. Hey, there's no doubt that
should be one wicked pissah view from atop perhaps the most famous ballpahk
feature in the game. But I question the
wisdom of putting Red Sox fans 37' above any field. Especially given their team's time-honored habit of coughing
pennant races come Septembah. All I can
say is ... Check for nooses.
Rest in
peace, Columbia.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.