Monday, 27-Jan-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Well,
that's one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse ... Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Super
Bowl Champions ... I mean, really, you gotta be kidding me ... Tampa Bay won a
Supe ??? 0-for-26 Tampa Bay ??? Bucco Bruce Tampa Bay ??? The Tampa Bay of Barney Bussey, Richard
Wood, Steve DeBerg, Donald Igwebuike, Jimmie Giles, James Wilder and Vinny
Testaverde won the Super Bowl ??? Yes,
they did. And if heaven has Gatorade
showers, then I hope John McKay is enjoying a well-earned soaking right about
now.
However,
and for the record, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have to be one of the mouthiest
teams in NFL history. We already knew
Warren Sapp and Meshawn were world class talkers but the other Bucs don't shut
up for a second either. Even stud
safety John Lynch is a bonafide All-Yap first teamer. But the best of the best has to be Simeon Rice ... "We just
did what you do, know what I'm saying.
The offense did what you do and the defense did what you do and we all
did what you do and now we the champs, baby." So there you have it, folks.
The hell with game plans. They
just did what you do.
Supe ads
were a mixed bag ... Willie Nelson needed help with his taxes many many bong
hits ago. And I didn't get why wearing
Levi's makes the cows stampede safely around you. Ozzy Osbourne and the Osmonds were kinda cute but I'm afraid
Ozzy's 15 minutes are officially on the clock.
Quizno's, Trident, Hanes ... Thanks, see you next year. Oh and one more thing, ABC ... It's fine if
you want to show us a public service spot blaming weed for a teenage pregnancy
but don't show six ... six ... beer commercials too.
I love
mascot controversies ... And last week we had an all-timer as Calgary Flames
mascot Harry The Hound, a big six-foot tall white snow dog, got in trouble for
heckling the visiting archrival Edmonton Oilers from behind their bench. Harry hounded them so hard that Oiler coach
Craig MacTavish reached over and ripped out Harry's foot-long red tongue and
heaved it into the crowd. Flames
management later apologized and promised to keep Harry on a shorter leash from
now on. But what kills me ... And it
happens all the time with mascots ... is everybody forgets that the character
isn't really real ...
Seriously,
think about it for a second ... Years ago, when Tommy Lasorda went nuts and
started beating up the Phillie Phanatic, was he fighting with Dave Raymond, son
of legendary University of Delaware football coach Tubby Raymond, or was Tommy
stomping on a massive walking green shag carpet with red size 30 sneakers
??? When the Mariner Moose roller
skated into the Kingdome wall and broke his ankle, whose ankle did he really
break ??? Was it the Moose or the young
man inside ??? And now we have Coach
MacTavish ... Yo, Craig, that's not a tongue.
It's 12 inches of red felt, dude.
Way too funny.
I didn't
bet on baseball. I didn't bet on
baseball. I didn't bet on
baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. I didn't bet on baseball. Okay, maybe I did.
From our
Just When You Think You've Heard It All Department comes word of the latest hairstyle
craze in soccer mad Japan. Seems that
English superduperstar David Beckham made quite the impression with the young
ladies of the Rising Sun during last summer's World Cup. So much so that now they're clamoring to
have their hair done up just like his ... Kinda short but all stiff and spiky
with sharp blonde highlights on the tips.
Big deal, you say. Well, here's
the kicker ... Um, well, um, let's just say that we're talking carpet and not
curtains here, if you know what I mean.
I kid you not.
That
coulda been you, Eagles.
Just a
hunch but I'm guessing that Serena Williams has gotten way inside big sistah
Venus' head ... Cause Saturday's Aussie Open win was the fourth straight Grand
Slam finals triumph for Younger over Older.
At this point, you gotta wonder if Venus will ever see a first place
check again and that's hard to believe, Harry.
Likewise stunning is the sublime game of Andre Agassi who absolutely
crushed some German jebeep to win his fourth Aussie. Nicely done, Mr Graf.
As you know,
we usually avoid controversial topics but this is just too hard to resist ...
For the low low price of just $49.95, you can now buy an outdoorsman's Bible
complete with camouflage cover to take with you on hunting trips. Here's an excerpt from the good book's
preface ... "We hope you will take a few moments in a quiet place, a deer
stand, camp, fishing pier, your den or wherever it is you spend time reflecting
on the wonders of God's creation to look at God's Word, the Holy Bible, from an
outdoorsman's perspective. As you do,
prepare to be drawn into God's presence."
... And then prepare to squeeze your trigger and blow Bambi's head off.
Here's
how insane the ACC has gotten these days ... NC State was ready to ride Herbie
"The Love Bug" Sendek out on a rail following bad losses to Georgia
Tech and Bee Cee but now with wins over the Dookies and the Death Star, Herb's
a hero. Meanwhile, Pete Gillen was
looking to join Billie Joe McAllister in a leap off the Tallahatchee Bridge
after three smelly Cavalier losses to Duke, Climpson and Vah Tech but a home
win over Wake and all is well. And Duke
wasn't immune either ... Unbeaten and top-ranked in the polls and then two
straight losses put all of Durham in the dumps. Easy fellas, we're not even halfway through the schedule yet.
Some
final Supe piglets ... I know I'm committing football sacrilege here but is
there a more insufferable old team than the unbeaten 1972 Fish ??? Geez, these guys blow their own horns more
than the London Philharmonic. "Let
our record speak for itself," they whine.
Guess what, guys ... It does.
You've been 17-0 for 30 years now.
We get it. Also, whoever was
whispering in Bill Callahan's ear to keep going for two after each Raider TD
should be fed to the Black Hole crazies back home in Oakland. Geez, I haven't seen scoreboard management
that bad since George Seifert was last seen thawed out.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.