Monday, 20-Jan-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Yeah,
this one hurts. Hurts a lot. Man, you can't ask for a better opportunity
than the Iggles just had. They had the
emotional lift knowing this was the very last episode of "Survivor: The
700 Level" at The Vet. Plus Philly
had owned Tampa Bay over the last several years. Not to mention the Bucs' epic struggles with cold weather and
road playoff games. McNabb was healthy
again, the fans were insane, Rocky was running wind sprints down by the docks
... It was The Perfect Setup. For the
mother of all honks, that is. Thanks
for playing and we have some ... sigh ... lovely parting gifts for you. E-A-G-L-...
Oh, never mind.
My three
teenage daughters have understood for years now that their Dad eats, sleeps and
breathes Virginia Cavaliers sports. But
they've also been awfully curious to know just what The Old Man's gonna do if
they attend another school. Well, my
oldest daughter was recently accepted to the University of South Carolina. That's right, next fall I'll be writing
checks to Gamecock U for her books, tuition, room and board and ... football
tickets. Saturday, 6-Sep-2003 ...
Virginia at South Carolina. Game on,
darling.
Hey, is
that a patch on Anna Kournikova's lower back and is it covering up a tattoo
??? I dunno, I can't tell from here, is
it ??? I dunno either but hand me my
telephoto lens. This is big news. Are you sure this is a news story ??? What about the other ladies here at the
Aussie Open ??? You know, the ones like
Serena and Venus and Justine Henin-Hardenne and Meghann Shaughnessy. The ones who are still playing ??? Nah, nobody cares about them. They're just tennis players. This is Anna. This is a patch on her booty.
This is the real story, dude.
Sorry, my bad. Here's your lens.
Meanwhile,
for the AFC Champeenship ... otherwise known as the I Don't Care Anymore Game
... Oakland stomped the Tuxedos, 41-24.
And so Supe 37 is all set. Get
ready for a full week's worth of Jon Gruden Past, Present And Future. And if you burn out on Chuckymania, you can
always tune into Sappapalooza or The Keyshawn Channel. Plus get ready for these breaking news
flashes ... Jerry Rice works out a lot, Tim Brown's a really nice guy, Bill
Romanowski's been here before and Tony Dungy deserves to be here too. Nah, I'm not too bitter.
Speaking
of high school seniors ... You know, just the other day, I was saying to my
wife, "Honey, for a graduation gift, let's get her a brand new
platinum-colored 2003 Hummer H2 complete with three televisions, Playstation 2
and XBox hookups and seatbacks embroidered with 'Queen Sara'. Hey, it's only $50,000 and I'm sure we can
get a loan. I mean, LeBron James's mom
just got one so there should be no problem.
And I know this great dealership in LA where Denzel Washington, J-Lo and
Janet Jackson all got theirs."
If you've
been watching the NFL playoff games, then you've seen the new Miller Lite
"Catfight" commercial with the two megababes fighting to settle the
classic "Tastes Great, Less Filling" argument. Naturally, the spot got more than just a few
knickers in a knot. Here's one quote
from an angry viewer ... "Every time I see it, I cringe," says Laura
Ries, an image consultant. "It's
explicit. It's degrading. It has no real message except all men are
idiots and all they think about are girls mud wrestling." Sorry, Laura, that's just flat out not true
... Sure, we're idiots but we also think about Jell-O wrestling, thank you very
much.
Come on
in, Coach Mariucci, please have a seat.
Thank you, Mr York. First off,
Coach, I want to congratulate you on the fine job you did coaching the 49ers
this year but that's not why I asked you to meet with me today. What I really wanna know is how you feel
about Immanuel Kant ??? Well, Mr York,
I'm more of a Friedrich Nietzsche man myself.
Oh, really ??? Well then, what
about Rene Descartes ??? Sorry, sir,
Kierkegaard's my boy. What about Calvin
then ??? Gimme a break, Hobbes all the
way, baby. Plato ??? Not a chance, man, Aristotle rules. I see.
Hmm, well, Coach, I think that about wraps up our meeting. We'll be in touch ...
The San
Francisco 49ers regret to announce that Coach Steve Mariucci has been fired
from the final year of his contract.
Although we respect Coach Mooch and we appreciate all he's done to help
the 49ers win the NFC West this year, in the end we just had too many
"philosophical differences" and so we felt that the organization
would be better off with a new coach.
Thank you all for coming and have a nice day.
Count me
as one who thinks Miami halfback Willis McGahee ... rhymes with "Shredded
Knee" ... is making a smart decision to declare for the NFL draft now
rather than rehab his Fiesta Bowl-damaged knee ligaments next year on campus in
SoFlo. Seriously, think about it ...
Willis is not gonna play football for anyone next year no matter what. Yes, he would've been a first-rounder with
two good knees but some team will take a chance on him in a late round. And then he can rehab under professional
trainers and collect a modest paycheck at the same time. Then if he comes back and stars in the Enn
Eff Ell, he'll have more coin than he can count. Astrophysics not.
Troy
Aikman and Roger Staubach announced plans last week to enter a car in NASCAR's
top shelf Winston Cup series starting in 2004.
In a press release, Aikman admitted they have no car, no shop, no
driver, no parts and no employees just yet. But they're working on finding a
sponsor which is obviously the first and most important step. Of course, given the concussions that forced
both these Poke pigslingers to retire, you'd think that maybe Bayer, Tylenol,
Advil, Motrin, Excedrin, Aleve and Bufferin might be interested.
Just one
more thought on Steve Mariucci's dismissal from Ninerland ... In the last two
seasons, Mooch coached the Niners to 22 regular season wins and just 10
losses. Meanwhile, Marty Mornhinweg is
5-27 with Detroit including a dismal 0-16 on the road. And yet somehow he's still pulling down a
Lions paycheck. Go figure.
With the
Hornets gone, I admit I haven't been watching much of The Association this
season. But I did dial in to the very
first Houston-Hell Ay matchup featuring Yao Ming against Shaq Daddy this past
week and watched a fair amount of the Rockets OT win. And the Mingman came out like a pagoda on fire. Yao went right at Shaq and stuffed Fu's
first three shots while canning three buckets of his own all in the first three
minutes just like that. Message
delivered loud and clear ... Having a 7'-5" 22-year-old with a sweet baby
J on your team is a good thing. A very
good thing.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.