Monday, 13-Jan-2003
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Yes, it
was a wild and crazy NFL regular season followed by an even more bizarre and
thrilling Wild Card Weekend. But it's
Big Dog Time now as all four top shelf, home field, bye week seeds won and
advanced this weekend. Iggs over Vicks,
Tites over Stillers, Bucs over Niners and Raiders over J-E-T-S. Which in all its Darwinian splendor is
really as it should be. The strong
survive and move on. The weak go home
and check tee times and chiropractor schedules.
Having
said that, I do believe either the Iggles or the Bucs had better make hay now
while they've both got the chance.
Because we have seen the future of the NFC and its name is Michael Vick. Good God, that is one scary young dude with
the pig in his hands. He's got more
silky escape moves than Riki Tiki Tavi and his passes are like Ka's silent but
deadly cobra strikes. Zing. You're dead. If Colonel Zocor ever gets him a speedburner who can outrun
Vick's cannon, then the rest of the NFC is playing for door prizes.
Giants
pitcher and former Series MVP Livan Hernandez got in trouble last week for
allegedly swinging a golf club at the head of an elderly man in a dispute over
rental terms on a business warehouse in Miami.
Livan insisted he missed the man's head but apparently Eric Gregg called
it a strike anyway. Thank you, thank
you, I'll be here all week. Try the
veal.
So far so
good on my New Year's Resolution to thoroughly and completely enjoy each and
every delicious moment of each and every Tar Hole loss this season. Really, it was time for a change. I've been slipping in recent years. I just hadn't taken the time to savor each
and every turnover, to relish each and every brick, to shudder in unabashed
delight each and every time the clock wound down to 00:00 with the Baby Blews
on the short end. Virginia 79, North
Carolina 72. Looking good, Louis. Feeling good, Billy Ray.
I think
we need to see the video of the zebras blowing the obvious pass interference
call on that doomed figgie that cost the Jints the game last Sunday. Because, you know, those first 500 replays
weren't nearly enough. Let's listen in
as Jim Fassell describes those agonizing final seconds ... "Ladies and
gentlemen, in order to prove a conspiracy, we must first look at the
evidence. Let's roll the tape one more
time ... Here's Trey Junkin bending over.
It's the last play of the game.
It's the final snap of the season.
This is the key moment. Watch it
again. The ball is snapped. It's back and to the left ... Back and to
the left ... Back and to the left ..."
And
speaking of that goofball game-ender, didja hear Paul Tagliabue blast the
hapless zeebs ??? The commish said it
was the most disappointing officiating breakdown in his 13 years in office and
hammered the crew for not only missing Chike Okeafor's obvious penalty but also
failing to huddle up and hash things out before calling the game over. But here's a question for you ... Coaches,
players and front office suits invariably get fined for bashing referees. Just ask Bill Cowher about his
soon-to-be-lighter wallet. So who fines
Tags when he's the one frying them to a crackly crunch ???
How in
the world can Vince Carter be leading The Association's all-star voting
??? C'mon, he's missed 25 games so far
and still has over 1,000,000 votes to lead all Eastern Conference players. I mean, do you have to show your lobotomy
scars before they give you a ballot ???
And in other NBA news, Shaq Fu says he was just joking when he used a
mock Chinese accent to tell Yao Ming
"ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-so".
No truth to the rumor that Yao replied ... "That's okay, not being
bragadocious. Supercalifragelistic,
Ming is alidocious. Peace, we gotta
go. This ain't no joke. Now I slam it (what?). Jam it (unnh). And make sure it's really broke." Word.
Who knows
if this is the beginning of the end for fiscal insanity in pro sports but when
a team like the Ottawa Senators, just a point behind the Dallas Stars for best
record in the entire NHL, can't pay their players and are forced into
bankruptcy ... Well, maybe there's a lesson in there somewhere. Like, for example, maybe trying to pay huge
salaries with Canadian dollars in a league without a big tube contract when you
owe the bank $160,000,000 doesn't really add up, eh ???
Is there
any other stadium in the world with a more notorious fan section than The Vet's
legendary 700 Level ??? Think about it,
every other stadium, arena, field, park, gym and rink has its own tastefully
numbered levels but only one section number invokes an instant feeling of utter
fear, frozen dread and universal loathing ... The 700 Level ... Dante said it
best. Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter
Here.
Feel free
to stop whining now, Niners. Sorry but
it's not your birthright to go to the Supe every year. You won a weak NFC West while Tampa Bay won
a strong NFC South. End of story. You went about as far as a lame duck coach,
a skinny QB, three blind refs, shaky kickers, a toasted secondary and an
All-Pom Pom star receiver could take you.
Thanks for playing and we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Hey, we
have our first entry in this year's contest for Best Quote ... From the Maloof
brothers, owners of the first-place Sacramento Kings, who also happen to own
the Palms casino in Las Vegas. Seems
Phil and George recently installed strobe lights and stripper poles in a couple
of their high roller suites. Phil did
all the research and development on this idea visiting numerous clubs along The
Strip to select just the right pole.
Said Phil ... "It's just like the real thing. They are slick. It's going to happen in the room. You might as well accommodate them." Unquote.
Rest in
peace , Will McDonough. Tell Pete
Rozelle everything worked out just like he planned.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2003 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.