Monday, 14-Oct-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Well, the
Anaheim Angels are finally in the World Series following a most thorough 4-1
ALCS spankjob over the Twinks. No more
Gene Mauch gaspipe jokes or sad Donnie Moore laments ... No more old films of
Bobby Grich, Brian Downing, Frank Tanana and Wally Joyner. No more bad Tony Danza movies. Nope, make way for Troys Glaus and Percival,
Garret Anderson, Tim Salmon and the other Halo heroes ... And the two most
annoying gimmicks in MLB history ... the Rally Monkey and Thunder Stix. Please let it be a short Series.
Hockey
season's open. See you next April.
Last
weekend, while at a family occasion in Miami, I scored a delicious Unexpected
Sports Bonus. To set the scene, it's
Sunday brunch at my sister-in-law's and to be fair, I was never explicitly told
no pig but ... make no mistake ... the expectation was family first. So 1:00 pm rolls around and I'm trying to be
good but I'm dying inside. Lo and
behold though, every other guy in the living room is chewing his lower lip and
frowning at his watch too. And then it
happens ... One of the guys mutters under his breath, gets up, approaches The
Holy Box and ... deep breath ... turns on Fish-Pats. Game on, baby. Meanwhile,
here comes my bonus ... When Sweetie Pie wanders into the room, sees the game
on and shoots me the stink eye, I am in the clear with a rock solid alibi. It wasn't me. Not my idea. It just went
on all by itself ... Boo yeah.
Ladies
and gentlemen, your 2002 New York Yankees ... Glory days. Well, they'll pass you by. Glory days.
In the wink of young girl's eye.
Glory days. Glory
da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ys.
You know,
if Pat Summerall could root any harder for his beloved Cowboys, I swear he'd
crap little blue stars. Seriously, it's
one thing to watch your team spin down in last-minute flames against Dallas in
Dallas. It's quite another to have to
listen to that senile old coot giggling on your way down.
Meanwhile
over in the Senior Circuit, San Fran is up 3-1 over the Cards who might be
finding out the hard way that heavenly inspiration from the late Jack Buck and
Darryl Kile aren't quite enough to pitch around The Barry and The Benito and
The Rich and The J.T. And so if the Giants
can close it out, we will in fact have the first Series with both
wildcards. Not to mention the first
NoCal-SoCal matchup since 1988. Hmm,
funny how that whole competitive imbalance thing worked itself out, huh ???
And
speaking of my Panthers, it's a 60:00 minute game, boys. Not 56:00 minutes of ass kicking and 4:00
minutes of a Three Stooges film festival.
Sixty. Six-Oh. Sigh, I swear this team invents still more
new and agonizing ways to lose each and every given Sunday. And to think I used to complain about the
stoopid Eagles. Geez, these guys make
rooting for the Iggs feel like you've got a pint of Ben and Jerry's, two spoons
and Jennifer Aniston leans over and tells you that's her favorite flavor.
More
travel notes ... At home, I've got digital cable which has so many useless channels
that I'm pretty sure I can get things like BBC America in Spanish next to the
Steamed Vegetables Channel. But on the
road, hotel cable has just a few less choices.
And when you've got a little time to kill and you're looking for ... oh,
I dunno ... like maybe an actual live Major League Baseball Playoff Game ...
Well, let's just say that ABC Family and FOX Sports Net are nowhere to be
found. Thanks, Bud.
Dear
Spree, Hope you enjoy your time off.
Love, the Knicks.
NFL Week
6 ... Vikes and Rams are off the schneid.
Bungles aren't. Also, the Doncs
honked at home to the Fish while the Bucs and Saints Be Praised kept pace in
the NFC South. Drew Brees is keeping
Doug Flutie's clipboard busy while Drew Bledsoe is reminding one and all that
he coulda been theirs all winter long.
But of course, since he didn't go to Florida, Steve Spurrier obviously
had no use for him.
When I
first saw the small headline "Rooney Doesn't Like Female Sideline
Reporters" last week, my first thought was why in the world would the
Steelers owner care about sideline mikettes ??? Then when I read the story and discovered it was Andy Rooney of
"60 Minutes" fame, my first thought was why in the world would Suzi
Kolber, Michele Tafoya and Melissa Stark care what he thought ??? I mean, what does he want, Eric Dickerson to
come back ???
Don't you
get the feeling that even if the goalposts were as wide as the field itself,
Florida State's kicker would still shank a last-second figgie against the
Canes. And that no matter how many
super-sized slabs of beef Mack Brown recruits for Tejas that he's still gonna
gag each and every game with the word "Big" in front of it. Thanks for playing, Horns, and we have some
lovely parting gifts for you.
Virginia
22, Climpson 17. And that never ever
ever gets old.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.