Monday, 9-Sep-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Somebody
pinch me, please. I must be dreaming
cause if I'm not mistaken I hit the old exacta this weekend ... First up, my
beloved Cavaliers used seven turnovers to coldcock South Carolina, 34-21, on a
steamy Saturday night in Mr Jefferson's hometown. Thanks for the pastries, Lou.
And then on Sunday, The Team Formerly Known As Pathetic actually won an
actual NFL regular season game.
Panthers 10, Nevermores 7. Yes,
it was blacked out. Yes, it wasn't
pretty. Yes, it's only one win. And yes, I am smiling. Looking good, Billy Ray. Feeling good, Louis.
Okay, if
you promise not to say anything about George Karl's miserable performance
<cough> coaching the thoroughly abominable USA team at the Worlds this
past week, I promise I won't say anything about George's lifetime <cough>
charter membership in the hoops coaching fraternity founded and led by Dean E
"Snuffy" Smith at the University of North <cough> Carolina at
Chapel Hill. Nope, <cough> my
lips are <cough> sealed.
All
kidding aside, what did USA Hoops expect ???
The FIBA Worlds just doesn't have the same sizzle here. So you throw together a leftover pickup
squad of B+ players, work them out for a few weeks, scribble down a few plays
and let 'em loose expecting the usual buttkicking results. Uh-uh, it don't work that way no more. The rest of the world has better
fundamentals, better shooters, better defense, better coaching and ... guess
what ... they play as teams. Better teams. The coffee is burning. Is anyone awake ???
The USTA
must be seriously jiggy this morning after Peter The Great's epic win for the
aged over Andre "Mr Graf" Agassi yesterday at Flushing Meadows. And if Sampras is smart, he'll go now cause
his legacy is rock solid locked and loaded.
Don't Seifert this one, Pete.
Meanwhile, Serena The Cat pounced on big sistah Venus in straight sets
for the third Slam in a row. If she's
not careful, Venus is gonna see nothing but Serena booty in front of her for
the time being. And that's some serious
brickhouse booty, I might add.
Best line
of the US Open telecast came from ... who else ... Johnny Mac when he ragged on
a fan in the stands who muffed an easy pop fly that Venus somehow mishit. McEnroe: "C'mon, you gotta catch that
one. If you're gonna drop it, you
should be over at Shea Stadium."
Me: Giggle.
Ouch,
that was a major hurtjob the Canes laid on the Gators. In the swamp, no less. Elsewhere in college football, West Virginia
brought their gunpowder to The People's Republic Of Madison but Wisconsin
stuffed their musket shut, the Rudys are waking up some echoes while Vegas
brass is still insisting there was absolutely no funny bizness going on when
their game last weekend got zapped just under three minutes short of a casino
sports book meltdown. Nope, nothing to
that rumor whatsoever.
Final
score: All The Other MLB Owners 29, New York Yankees 1. Wow, the Yankees haven't been routed like
that since Stonewall Jackson was still alive.
But that was the tally last week when The Lords Of Baseball ratified the
new labor agreement that ushers in The Welfare Age in major league
baseball. Can you smell what Phineas T
is cooking ??? Lawsuits, get your
lawsuits.
Give it
up, Hootie. Save yourself and Augusta
National a major headache. Even though
I agree completely that a private club should be able to set its own membership
rules, this is a battle that Oprah Nation can't help but win. You can release all your corporate sponsors
from their commitments if you think it'll help and I'm sure you can even get
The Eye to bend to your will and broadcast The Masters how ever you want them
to. But trying to keep the ladies from
joining is a losing public relations battle.
Hey, look on the bright side, I'm sure Fuzzy Zoeller must have some good
blonde jokes, right ???
The A+'s
finally saw their l-o-n-g winning streak end at 20 games ... So now they can
stop breathing through their eyelids, wearing garter belts and avoiding Annie
Savoy's boudoir. However, they haven't
put away the AL West yet cause the Angels are on a 10-game streak of their
own. Sorry, Annie. Meanwhile, David Wells lost two teeth in a
pre-dawn fight at a New York diner, the Spos are playing out the string in
front of more empty seats than ever, the Strangers are on a serious dinger roll
and the NL Wild Card race is a deathgrip between Hell Ay and San Fran. Is Ralph Branca warmed up yet ???
NFL Week
1 piglets ... Just a hunch but I think Chad Morton's gonna win the AFC Special
Teams POW award for his two kickoff return sixes to lead the J-E-T-S over the
Bills. Just a hunch but I think Dwayne
Rudd's gonna keep his helmet securely fastened upon his numbskull from now
on. It's a stupid rule but it cost his
Brownies big time. Just a hunch but I
think the Texans were slightly pumped to play the Pokes. Just a hunch but I think the Bungles will be
on vacation in January again. And
finally, just a hunch but I think nothing signifies the return of real-time pig
quite like watching Jason Sehorn getting toasted and then throwing up his arms
looking around for another Jint DB to blame.
It's here, boys. The feast is
on.
Those
lovable misfit toys from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals got some
ink last week when they demanded that the Milwaukee Brewers add a fifth
contestant to the team's traditional sausage race. If you haven't seen this thing before, four guys in meat costumes
... hot dog, Polish sausage, Italian sausage and, of course, bratwurst ... race
around the field following the sixth inning at each Brewers home game. But now PETA wants an all-veggie soy dog to
join the fun and frolic. The team said
thanks but no thanks which makes the "soysage" ... ta da ... the
missing link. God, that's bad. I'm sorry but a 1-0 record will do that to
you.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.