Monday, 10-Jun-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Well, if
Portugal is ranked No. 5 in the world in something, then you know it's gotta be
soccer. Excuse me, football. And Week 1 of the World Cup is in the books
with several rather large storylines ... The Damn Yankees stunned the
Portuguese, defending champ Les Francais are playing like Les Crappe while
Brazil and Spain have both advanced to Round 2. But the biggest game was Rule Britannia's 1-nil win over
long-time nemesis Argentina on Capt Posh Spice's penalty kick. I say, good show, laddies. Warm beer for everyone.
Boy, you
gotta figure the New York "1994" Rangers must be getting pretty
desperate when they start hiring coaches like ex-Islander Brian Trottier. Trots was Mr Islander back in their potato
salad days when he and his Cup-toting pals endlessly tortured the Broadway
Blewshirts ... Now he's their new bench boss hoping to make chicken salad out
of the Rangers enormous payroll. Hey,
maybe this'll work out just fine and the Cup will get a ride down 5th Avenue
once again. And maybe Bucky Dent will someday manage the Red Sox.
By the
way, there is a reason why US soccer is all jiggy after last week's upset
win. Let's put it this way ... If an
opening game 3-2 win over Portugal is The Ohmigod Greatest Win In <Fill In
Your Nation> World Cup History, then <Fill In Your Nation> musta
sipped pretty badly for a really long time, don'tcha think ??? I mean, be honest ... This game woulda been
a yawner for top shelf clubs like Brazil or Italy. Hell, Columbia would've shot Jeff Agoos for kicking one into his
own goal. Baby steps, folks. Baby. Steps.
Nick and
Sarah Arena, from Toledo, Ohio, are huge Red Wings fans and proud parents of a
brand new bouncing baby boy named ... Yep, you got it ... Joe Louis Arena. I kid you not. Boy, it's a good thing The Joe was built and named long before
the current age of multi-million dollar corporate naming rights. Otherwise, the young lad might've had to
answer to something like Your Local Ford Lincoln Mercury Dealer Arena.
Nothing
humbles a prize fighter quite like a good old fashioned ass whupping. And that's exactly what Rusty Mike Tyson got
from Lennox Lewis in Memphis late Saturday night. Eight rounds of pain and a face only a gourmet butcher shop could
love. Funny what 13 inches of reach
disadvantage can do to you, eh, Mike ???
Not to worry though. Tyson has a
long career ahead of him as a novelty act working his way through the Bum of
the Month Club. Anybody know if Clubber
Lang is available ???
"Jose
Canseco Admits Steroid Use" ... And in other headlines of the obvious ...
"Study Shows Average NASCAR Fan Enjoys Direct Sunlight On Neck",
"Some Spanish Speaking Dude Wins Men's French Open Title" and
"Jason Giambi Loves Yankee Stadium Right Field Fence".
Dear
Diary ... Well, I finally did it. I
finally beat my big sister Venus in a Grand Slam tennis match. Oh, Diary, it was so much fun. And I looked so hot too in my black outfit
with the gold pinstripe. Tell me,
Diary, do you think the French boys liked it ??? Oh, I hope so. Well, now
it's on to Wimbledon next month. Maybe
I can kick her ass again. Hee-hee, just
kidding, Diary. In the meantime, I
still have the tape of my MTV Diary episode to watch and maybe I can get back
to Cleveland soon so I can watch my boyfriend CC Sabathia pitch again. Life is good, Diary. Life is good.
Once more
on Soccermania ... I'm not sure but I think I know why the sport falls flat
here in God Bless America. Way too many
chick flick words. They're always
babbling about things like creativity, flair, artistry, panache, spirit, élan,
flavor, zest, dash and so on. Hell, I
heard one tuber slobber all over Brazil as they played what he called
"very romantic football". But
American sports fans are different ... We like results and could care less
about form. It's like Billy Hoyle told
Sidney Deane in "White Men Can't Jump" ... "You'd rather look
good and lose than look bad and win."
So just kick the damn ball in that big onion bag back there. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Lord
Stanley stands at Detwah 2, Goobers 1 after the Central Red Army Wings won a
tense Game 3 in triple OT on Igor "Not Eyegore" Larionov's sweet
backhander. Thankfully, the Canes are
giving the Wings all they can handle unlike a certain hoops team from
Sopranoland. But these multiple
overtime games are killers. I know it's
crazy but here's an idea to shorten them ... Start the first OT with five-on-five. If you need a second one, go
four-on-four. A third one, go
three-on-three. If that doesn't work,
go to Best Decorated Backup Goalie Mask or something. Anything to get some sleep.
Sorry,
pony fans, no Triple Crown this year either.
War Emblem stumbled outta the Belmont gate and never recovered his
panache after that. Which left 70-1
long shot Sarava to pull off the upset and litter the stands with torn betting
tickets. So it's wait til next year all
over again. You know, I remember back
when horse fans complained that the Trip was too easy after Affirmed followed
Seattle Slew and Secretariat back in the 70's.
But it was anything but easy then and it's probably even harder
now. Greatness is never easy. Nor should it be.
Broom
City awaits the poor Nets who are all but helpless against Shaq Daddy, a force
of nature unseen in The Association since Wilt Chamberlain was scoring triple
doubles on and off the court. After
Sunday night's 106-103 win, Hell Ay is now up 3-zip and ready to crack open
some fine Northern Jersey bubbly. Man,
at this point, not even Dr J in his megafro prime would make a difference. I sure hope the LAPD riot squads are ready.
Sorry for
the broken record but here we go again.
Saturday was as good as it gets for sports fans. We had a full buffet table ... The French
Open, World Cup, Belmont Stakes, NBA Finals, Tyson-Lewis, Stanley Cup Finals
and ... drum roll please ... Major League Baseball. Interleague play no less.
And even though it's still a gimmick, at least we had several fresh new
novelty series this time around. Like
the champeen Zona Snakes in Bahston to play Ye Olde Red Sox. With a dream game of Curt Schilling against
Pedro Martinez too. And what national
tube network was that gem on ??? Anyone
??? Bueller ??? Anyone ???
More
hockey pucklets ...Prior to Game 1, the mayor of Detroit called up the mayor of
Charlotte looking to place one of those cheesy politician's wagers. Which would've been fine except that the
Carolina Hurricanes play in Raleigh, a good three-plus hours away. Please hold, Mr Mayor, and we'll transfer
your call to the right city. Of course,
not to be outdone, Raleigh's hizzoner got all jiggy after the Canes made the
finals and issued a statement saying where the Prince of "Whales"
Trophy would be displayed. But when his
staff corrected the faux pas, the new statement simply mentioned where the
Prince of Wales was. Which was news to
Charlie of course. Third time was the
charm thankfully.
Rest in
peace, "All The Way" Faye Dancer.
Casting Madonna to play you in "A League Of Their Own" was
just perfect. And tell Jimmy Dugan
there's still no crying in baseball.
Wade Boggs excepted, of course.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.