Monday, 20-May-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Alright,
here we go again ... For the 4th time in six years, the Kaintuck winner has
taken the Preakness too. All that's
left now for the impressive War Emblem is a mile and a half of Belmont dirt and
he joins the Pony Pantheon. As will his
irrepressible trainer, Bob "Two Thirds" Baffert, who no doubt studied
at the Deion Sanders Academy of Self-Promotion. At least the big black colt silenced the whiners who believe
Baffert "bought" his TripTik when Prince Ahmed bin Salman ponied up
$900,000 on War Emblem for him just five weeks ago. I mean, the other horsies cost some coin too, didn't they
??? Oh well, just don't look in his
mouth, Bob.
So where
are we in Stanley puckland ??? The Central
Red Army Wings with Dominik "Buffalo Wing" Hasek in goal are up
1-love on the defending champ Avs. Hey,
didn't Hasek insist he'd be retired by now ???
And I'll have some of whatever Peter Forsberg is having, thank you. Meanwhile, in the East, the gimpy Mapes and
sweet-as-candy Canes are all tied up at 1-1.
Yes, that's right, the city of Raleigh, North Carolina, is absolutely
insane with glee over their winning ice hockey team. Hard to believe, Harry.
And in
The Association offs ... Shaq Daddy and Kobe Wan are still all the way inside
the SacroKings heads. Despite 112
decibels worth of Game 1 Arco Arena cowbells, Hell Ay still threw down 36 first
quarter points. Do the math, that's a
144 point game pace and that'll stifle a hostile crowd every damn time. Back East, the New Jersey Zero Titles took a
1-zip lead over the Boston Sixteen Rings behind Jason Kidd's Sunday triple
double. Not that it matters all that
much.
You know,
sometimes I really believe we've lost our collective minds ... At the
suggestion of a Seattle sports talk radio host, Mariners reliever Jeff Nelson
put the bone chips removed from his pitching elbow two weeks ago up for auction
on eBay last Tuesday. The opening bid
was $250 but in just ninety minutes 125 eager bidders had them up to $23,600
and counting. And that's when eBay
stepped in and stopped the auction citing their policy against hawking body
parts. Geez, first it's used bubblegum
and now bone chips. Get ready, Ebby
Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh's lethal shower shoes will be next.
Once
again, step by step, slowly they turn, inch by inch and right over Niagara
Falls they're headed too ... You got it, our Pastime Formerly Known As The
National is beating the labor war drums just a little harder with each passing
week. Last week it was the players
union dropping not-so-subtle hints about a possible strike. Yeah, I know they kinda sorta had to seeing
as how the owners keep dropping not-so-subtle hints about a possible lockout. But we all know just how well mutual bad faith
bargaining has worked before so keep up the good work, boys. If you're smart, you'll stop playing just
about the time the NFL tees it up again.
Meanwhile,
Bud Light insisted last week that anywhere from six to eight baseball clubs are
so strained for coin that they might all roll over and die sometime in the next
year and a half or so. Of course, fluff
like that only begs the obvious question like, for example, which big league
teams was he talking about. And true to
his spineless form, Selig refused to identify said sad sack cities. Maybe we should just wait until Forbes
Magazine points them out. After all,
what do they know, they're just a respected financial publication.
Good
Lord, how much more agony can my fair city of Charlotte take ??? As if losing the Hornets wasn't bad enough,
now Jose Canseco called it quits on our minor league watch last Monday after
just 18 games with 5 dingers, 9 ribeyes and whiffs galore. Sigh, I guess the Fort Mill Ramada just
wasn't the same as the Four Seasons. Jose, we hardly knew ye.
Thanks for playing and we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
I see
where happy Detwah hockey fans are tossing octopuses on the ice again ... But
that ain't nothing compared to what fans of the Erie Otters, champeens of the Ontario
Hockey League, launched upon their home pond after winning the title clincher
over the Barrie Colts. You see, to
honor top scorer Cory Pecker, giddy Otter fans threw a whole bunch of, um,
well, um ... Well, they're made of solid rubber. Kinda shaped like a tube.
Maybe 7 or 8 inches long or so.
Um, well, you get the idea. All
in all, I think I prefer the octopus.
More
baseball notes ... It's not even summer yet and Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood
believes his team is already watching Six Feet Under. Man, that's gotta be a record for quickest Cubs surrender. Also, Jason "Mekka Lekka Hi Mekka Hiney
Ho" Giambi wrote his name in Bronx Bomber lore with an "ultimate
grand slam", that is, ending the game going yard down by three runs with
the sacks full. Mike Cameron had
another inning for the ages, Barry Bonds is on pace for over 200 walks and
Snake P Curt Schilling wants Zona's roof closed when he pitches. Other than that, not much else is going on.
Nice to
see the NCAA on top of the really critical issues affecting collegiate sports
... Nope, not rancid leftover academic stank at big pig farms like
Tennessee. Nope, not alleged rapes at
schools like Looziana State and Ralphie U.
Nope, not the over-expansion of still more meaningless bowl games. Cash payouts ??? Steroids ??? Title IX
budget chaos ??? Nope, nope and
nope. Nope, word came down last week
that, in direct response to a request from People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals, leather b-balls are now out and synthetic is in starting with next
year's Big Dance. Everybody ready
??? Golf clap. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap ...
Rest in
peace, Joe Black. Tell Jackie we
retired his number.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.