Monday, 15-Apr-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Dear
Vince ... Take all the time you need to let your bum knee heal. No, really, rest up, dude. It's only by amazing coincidence that we
lost 17 outta the last 18 games with you in the lineup and now we've won 11
outta 12 since you shut it down. Pure
chance, babe. Hey, you know we love
you, dog. It's just that we don't want
to see you get hurt again so take your time and go easy on the rehab. We'll be in touch. Best regards ... The Raptors.
Just
curious but why does The Eye insist on calling The Masters "a tradition
unlike any other" ??? Aren't all
traditions unique ??? I mean, if two
traditions are exactly the same, then they're not traditions anymore, are they
??? I mean, you don't see anything else
like the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby or Wimbledon, do you ??? Hell, even my mother-in-law's Turkey Day
stuffing is "a tradition unlike any other". Look, I love The Masters.
It's the only golf I look forward to all year. But hype is hype. And
stuffing is stuffing.
However,
if Eldrick keeps this up, The Masters is soon gonna be his personal
playground. Back-to-back green jackets
and another $1,008,000 check. Longer
course ??? No problem. Monsoon rains ??? No problem. Six of the
best golfers on the planet sharing the Sunday morning leaderboard ??? No problem.
All Tiger's gotta do is break open a fresh burgundy polo shirt and the
thing is d-o-n-e, done. Truly a player
unlike any other.
SI ran a
recent article on NBA posses. Never
mind that once again the mag is only about five years behind a trend but this
inside look at the fellas who surround today's Association stars is
priceless. Didja know that Shaq Daddy's
got a bro on his payroll whose only job is to warm up the car and make sure
Fu's fave CD's are locked and loaded ???
Kinda makes you wonder what occupation he puts down on his 1040.
"During
the marriage the parties have accumulated and acquired various assets and
liabilities that are marital in nature and need to be equitably distributed by
the Court. Due to the Husband's
extraordinary contributions to the acquisition of the funds as a result of his
hazardous, life-threatening occupation, the Husband claims that he should be
entitled to greater than 50% interest in the net marital estate and asks for an
unequal distribution of the marital assets." Unquote. Nice try, Jeff,
but since you and Brooke lived in 50-50 Florida without a pre-nup, you're soon
gonna be hearing the worst four-letter word in the English language ... Half.
"Topless
dancer, boyfriend accuse boxer Tyson of assault" ... And in other
headlines of the obvious ... "Ref calls technical foul on Rasheed
Wallace", "Golf fans clap politely for Mickelson's back nine
bogey", "Michelle Kwan plans next Olympic disappointment",
"Astros consider K-Mart to replace Enron" and "Kiper says Al
Davis to select Pelican Bay State Prison flag football team".
The New
Jersey Nets are the top seed in the NBA Eastern Conference and that alone
should earn Jason Kidd the MVP.
Meanwhile, Hell Ay played the Minnesota T-Pups last Thursday wearing
replicas of their old powder-blue, George Mikan-era Minneapolis Lakers uniforms
from fifty years ago. Which got me
thinking ... How long before the soon-to-be Nawlins Hornets will wear replicas
of their old teal-and-purple Charlotte threads ??? Fifty years ??? A hundred
??? Until Ray Wooldridge stops lying
???
Ah, one
of my favorite events of the year is just a week away ... Yes, that special
Hallmark moment when angry J-E-T-S fans curse and wail their latest first-round
bust-in-waiting is just around the corner.
Not to mention our annual NFL Draft Day sighting of The Hair That Is Mel
Kiper Jr plus hours and hours of breathless ESPN coverage of times in the 40,
Wonderlic scores, combine reports, cell phones and overgrown kids in big pimpin
suits. Got my chips and dip and plenty
of cold Dew on ice. Bring it on.
Detroit
skipper Phil Garner got The Show's first official in-season heave-ho as the
inept Tiggers have dropped their first 11 ballgames. Also, another boo-boo for Junior threatens to send him from The
Kid to The Afterthought in record time while two more Barry bombs last week
means he's all but a lock to crank his 600th jack just one incredible year
after the magic No. 500. Meanwhile, an
honest-to-God controversy blew up over whether Gonzo really did chew the
now-famous piece of gum on auction while the Yankees' new YES network is
officially NO until Cablevision decides whether to slot it as basic or premium
cable. And you thought baseball was
boring.
You know,
I get a lotta strange spam e-mail messages in my Inbox ... Free cell phones,
guaranteed credit cards, that little X-10 spy camera, Miss Cleo, on-line
diplomas, you name it ... But until I heard about the Cricket Bar, I guess I
really didn't know what I was missing.
That's right, if I want I can now get "simple commentary and
ball-by-ball scores" from cricket matches around the world all delivered
to a small window I can dock at the bottom of my screen. Of course, now my only question is ... What
the hell did I click on to get on that mailing list ???
Thanks
for the memories, Arnie.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.