Monday, 4-Mar-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Ain't no
flies on Ricky Williams ... Well, unless said flies can keep up with Mrs Ditka
doing 126 miles an hour in his black Mercedes sport ute, that is. One. Twenty. Six. On a 70 mph stretch of I-10 in rural Looziana late last Sunday
night. And here's the kicker ... The
state troop who eventually ticketed him admitted he couldn't charge His
Dreadness with resisting arrest because ... drum roll please ... the Crown Vic
don't go 126. Fortunately for the other
I-10 drivers, The Rick's joyride ended when he pitted 17 miles later and blue
caught up and booked him. No truth to
the rumor NASCAR is now working on an NFL 500 sponsorship tie-in.
Hey,
Jayson, that's a cool trick, bro. Man,
I haven't seen anybody twirl a shotgun like that since Ahnold in T2. Yo, dude, that thing ain't loaded, is it
??? Uh, Jayson ???
Warning:
The Surgeon General has determined that rooting for the Virginia Cavaliers can
be hazardous to your mental health. Sigh,
these last two weeks might as well have been the last 25 years. For every rush-the-court upset over a loaded
Dookie five, you get a come-from-ahead stankjob against those damn Yellow
Pests. For every historic season sweep
over the Death Star, you put a Chaminade on the map. And for every Ralph Sampson, there's an Adrian Branch. And this is exactly why I give to the
booster club. You see, I figure if I'm paying for it, I can piss and moan all I
want. And it's tax deductible too. There, I feel so much better now.
Geez,
Nolan, switch to decaf, willya ??? In
an epic meltdown last week, Arkansas Hog bosshog Nolan "Forty Minutes Of
Yell" Richardson went daisy cutter on everyone and everything in
particular ... Losing, respect, money, race, media persecution, the entire
salad bar of coach rage. And it cost
him his job too as the Sooey Pig brass had little choice but to buy his porcine
contract out. Perhaps Nolan's worst mistake
was insisting his stellar record was worth a free pass for this year's mediocre
team. Yeah, ask Denny Crum and Bobby
Knight about their free passes. Losing
kills everybody, Nolan, black, white and every shade in between.
Do you
think maybe Kevin Costner could resurrect his movie career if he played Billy
Chapel pitching to Crash Davis ??? Nah,
probably not.
In
keeping with tradition, here we go with this year's annual NFL veteran
bloodletting ... Elvis Grbac, Rob Moore, Shannon Sharpe, Blaine Bishop, Albert
Connell, Jeff Burris, Dorsey Levens, Santana Dotson, Bill Romanowski, Ken
Dilger, Freddie Jones, Sam Garnes, Marvin Jones, Rob Johnson, Doug Evans, Roman
Oben, Chris Chandler, Jesse Armstead, Rod Woodson, Terrence Mathis, Tom Tupa,
Ed McDaniel, Jeff Graham, Chad Cota, Tim Biakabutuka and even ol' Leon Lett. Thanks for playing and we have some lovely
parting gifts for you.
I know
that somehow the old owner of the Marlins is now the new owner of the BoSox and
the old owner of the Spos is now the new owner of the Marlins and Bud Light's
office itself is now the new owner of the Spos. But what I can't figure is how come the old owner of the Spos who
is now the new owner of the Marlins just finished firing most of the old
employees with his new Marlins and replaced them with new employees from his
old Spos. Because when you peek at the
NL East standings from last year, you still see Florida at 76-86 and Montreal
at 68-94, don'tcha ??? Sigh, it's an
old story and still hard to believe, Harry.
An
invasion of privacy lawsuit filed by the Iggles cheerleaders expanded last week
as several more plaintiffs jumped on board and some new defendants were
named. If you recall, the ladies
contend that teams visiting The Vet to play the Iggs peeped on 'em through
holes in the walls and doors separating their locker rooms. Anyway, seems one of the girls owns a set of
colored panties with the 7 days of the week printed on the booty. And in the lawsuit she claims she always
wore her Tuesday undies on game days since they matched her cheerleader outfit. So what, you ask ??? Well, now we know why an as-yet-unnamed NFL
owner who saw her on the sidelines and nudge nudge wink wink reminded her that
NFL games are on Sunday is now playing D |||||| in this suit.
And so
ends the Dennis Miller experiment ... In less time than it takes to warm up his
big bus, John Madden followed Pat Summerall out the FOX door last week and
pulled into the Alphabet's MNF booth where he'll team up with Al Michaels and
Babelissa Stark. Dennis shouldn't worry
about his career though. The pig just
ain't his thing and the games move way too fast for his brand of scathing rants
and arcane high-brow references. No
slams for ABC. I'm glad they tried
something new. See ya on HBO, Dennis.
Couldn't
Jeff Kent have gotten one of the neighborhood kids to wash his car ???
Grammy
Tonya, tell us about the time you were a boxer ... Okay, kids, gather around
your old Grandma. Well, it was way back
in Aught Two and Grammy had just been evicted from her trailer and I needed
some scratch real bad, kids. So these
flashy guys from FOX offered me some money if I'd fight some Long Island Lolita
brat named Amy Fisher on some show called Celebrity Boxing. And since I wasn't having much luck with the
topless ice shows, well, I said okay.
Sigh, I miss those days, kids.
C'mere and give your Grammy a hug.
Say it
ain't so, Mario. Man, I'm sure glad I'm
not a Pittsburgh Penguins season tix holder.
Work with me here ... If the owner of your favorite hockey team all but
forced your team's marquee Hall Of Fame superduperstar to sit out most of the
season leading up to the Olympics ... And if that star player did indeed win
the gold but more or less gimped his way through ... And if that star player
came back from Salt Lake and abruptly shut his season down and pretty much
buried your team's season too ... Well, wouldn't you be just a little bit
torqued at your team's owner ???
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.