Monday, 18-Feb-2002
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
For years
I've pissed and moaned about figure skating ... That whole style points for
artistic impression argument and all that.
Well, now I've officially changed my mind. Figure skating is absolutely priceless just the way it is. Don't touch a thing. I mean you just can't make this stuff up ...
"Emotionally fragile" French judges, ultra perky Canadians in tears,
big bad Boris and Natasha, frenzied media whirlwinds, emergency secret board
meetings, foreign languages, rumors, allegations, denials and then the Big
Compromise ... Dual golds. Otherwise
known as a backroom deal to cancel a backroom deal. I'm telling you, if they reform this "sport", they'll
kill it.
Poor Kobe
Bryant's feelings got hurt when those mean old nasty Philly fans booed him at
the NBA All-Star Game last Sunday. Poor
Kobe. Maybe he'd like some warm milk or
maybe a nice mug of Ovaltine to go with his bedtime story. Sheesh, even the mayor of Philadelphia felt
obliged to soothe poor Kobe-Wan's ruffled feathers. There there, Kobe, it's alright.
Good, you've got your feetie jammies on and here's your woobie. Sleep tight, Kobe. Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Ward
Burton took the Daytona 500 checkered flag to kick off another NASCAR season on
Sunday. And this is another sport that
packs as much juice on and off the track as figure skating ... Let's see now,
Ford and Dodge car owners whined all week about their rear spoilers. Sterling Marlin boiled over after he got
docked a lap for getting out of his car during a red flag to fix a bent fender
cause he swore Earnhardt did the same thing way back when. And despite still more rule changes, yet
another massive pileup took out most of the field and thrilled the fans just
the same. Translation ... That's just
racin'.
The
kiss-and-cry zone, lutzes, teddy bears, Ottavio Cinquanta, flowers, sequins,
triple salchows, glitter, panty shots, ISU, "Love Story", double
axels, emergency brain surgery, Marie-Reine Le Gougne, toe picks, choreography,
jamming with the Barenaked Ladies, quadruple toe loops, sit spins, Didier
Gailhaguet, death spirals, technical merit and so on. The list is endless as is the delicious intrigue, dense mystery and
brazen fraud ... And all of it already worth millions of dollars to an
enthralled public that simply can't get enough skating. And just think ... The signature event, the
ladies singles, hasn't even started yet.
That's just skatin'.
Will
Coach Tampa Bay Bucs For Food ... Man, the Glazer brothers are making the
Rudys' coaching search look like a well-oiled machine. First, Tuna boned them. Then they couldn't get Uncle Al to let them
talk to Chucky. Then they had Marvin
Lewis all but signed but blew him off too.
Nick Saban, Mike Mularkey, Norv Turner.
Nope, nope and nope. Jeez, even
Ralph "To The Moon, Alice" Friedgen told them he'd rather run Terp
City than be their Big Buc. Now they're
going after Steve Mariucci who you'd figure will be thrilled to leave Terrell
Owens behind in San Fran. Good thing
the Bucs don't have an ego problem at wide receiver, right ???
Yet
another sign I'm getting old ... I'm just not hip enough to follow all these
new X-Games events at the Winter Pics.
There's no question that snowboarding is way cool but when you feel like
you need a UN translator just for the rad lingo, then you are definitely not
sick or awesome pipe or crazy front-side inverted 720 or something like
that. Nope, old coots like me are
without a doubt bonafide ass-blastered face plants, fer shure. Dude.
And out
in Phoenix, Suns coach Scott Skiles is now the ex-Suns coach. Which means he too now has plenty of time to
spend with Danny Ainge's family. Funny
how Sun suits keep making these interesting deals like sending MVP-In-Waiting
Jason "Please Don't Hit The Joumana"
Kidd for Stephon "Extreme DUI" Marbury and yet it's their
coaches who are always feeling the heat.
Astrophysics not.
Great
hockey game Saturday night as Team USA and Team Russia were kissing sisters at
2-2. Couldn't help but think back to
the epic 1980 upset though cause, more than ever, that game was a watershed in
so many ways. First off, it was
borderline laughable back then to think there'd ever be enough home-grown
American studs to field a truly elite team like we have today. But even more telling is realizing you know
just about all the Russians too ... Federov, Bure, Khabibulin, Kasparaitis,
Larionov and so on. We've come a long
way indeed.
Yes, I
know my Wahoos are overrated. It's just
painful watching a very talented five struggle all season long. Man, if they're not dropping stinkbombs
against similarly talented squads like Wake and NC State, then they're letting
the trailer trash of the ACC like ... giggle ... North Carolina stick around
way too long before getting their kill shots in. And that's perhaps the cruelest cut of all ... My boys sweep the
hated Evil Empire and they're still underachieving just the same. Sip, sipper, sippest.
Say it
ain't so ... A miniature poodle named Surrey Spice Girl took Westminster, the
doggie Supper Bowl ??? Tell me one of
those little half-nekkid foo-foo puffballs with the off-the-scale attitude and
that non-stop yip-yip bark didn't win Best In Show at the granddaddy of all
poochie shows. Man, just once I'd like
to see a big ol' Golden Retriever with a name like Scooby win the whole damn
thing. He'd be sitting there wearing a
grungy red bandana tied around his neck with a wet frisbee in his mouth and
wagging his ass off. Sweet.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2002 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.