Monday, 24-Dec-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Call now
to order "The Two Faces of Carmen Policy" now out on DVD. You'll enjoy hours of fun watching Carmen's
lips move. Listen to Carmen praise his
ugly bottle-tossing Browns fans on Sunday and then take it all back on
Monday. Watch Carmen explain how he
didn't mean to cheat on the Niners salary cap but he's sorry anyway. Act now and you'll receive "The Two
Faces of Carmen Policy (The Director's Cut)" with special voiceover
commentary by Carmen as he spins every sleazeball thing he's ever said or done.
You see,
now this is what I'm talking about ... Just two weeks after Bud Light pinky
swore on his mother's grave on a stack of Bibles that baseball
cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye was losing gazillions and
so absolutely positively had to chop two teams or risk Gotterdammerung, the
Boston 1918's sell for $700,000,000 which is more than double the amount the
Injuns sold for way back in the good old days of 2000. And to top it off that wasn't even the high
bid. Yes, Mr Chairman, it's all the
players' fault.
Are you
ready to order ??? Yeah, I'll have
whatever Kordell Stewart is having. But
make sure it's a fresh batch. I don't
want any of that stuff he had last year or the year before that or the year
before that or the year before that.
Well, it
sure didn't take long for the desperate Rudys to float the obvious "Maybe
Lou Holtz Will Come Home" trial balloon hoping South Carolina's Top Cock
would take the bait and do a sequel.
Holtz quickly fudged up one of his classic non-denial denials but his
players sure don't seem to have any doubts.
Said DL John Stamper ... "Coach Holtz made a commitment to us and
the university. When he says something,
you can take that to the bank."
And that just might be the quote of the year.
Hey, look
at me ... I'm Crazy Texas Rangers General Manager Man. I just traded for Carl Everett *and* John
Rocker. Our clubhouse is gonna be a
madhouse next season. Now gimme some
kan-day.
Another
day, another cranky NBA player ... This time we've got Fail Blazer swingman
Bonzi Wells with bees galore in his bonnet.
Quoth the Bonz ... "We're not really going to worry what the hell
the fans think of us. They really don't
matter to us. They can boo us every day
but they're still going to ask for our autographs if they see us on the
street. That's why they're fans and
we're NBA players." And that's why
we're fans and you're named Bonzi, Bonzi.
NFL Week
15 roundup ... Way too much Marshall Marshall Marshall as the Rams faulked my
hapless Panthers yet again while the Bucs pretty much zapped any hopes the
Saints had of playing a home game in February.
Also, the New England Belichicks feasted on mahi-mahi chowdah while Da
Bears urlachered the Potatoes once and for all. And yes, the Damn Jints won't lie down unlike Zona keeker Bill
"What Goes Up Must Come Down" Gramatica who had arthroscopica on his
anterior cruciate ligamentica.
Until
surgery on his 85-year-old ticker finally stopped him last week, legendary Hell
Ay Laker mike Chick Hearn had called 3,338 consecutive Laker games dating all
the way back to November 1965. Rumor
has it that 3,338 is also the number of times AC Green has had to explain his
whole celibacy thang to The Association's equally legendary legion of
lascivious ladies. Get well soon,
Chick.
Good-bye,
Goodwill Games.
Ho-hum,
another week, another Death Star detonation.
This time to something called College of Charleston in something called
The Tournament Of Champions. But then a
wonderful thing happened the next night as the Heels actually smacked around
15th-ranked St Joe's in the consolation game.
Why wonderful, you ask ??? Well,
believe it or not, I'm cool with the Heels winning one here and there because
it's always great fun to see the faithful scramble aboard the Baby Blue
Bandwagon after a win and then break their ankles leaping off just a few days
later. Man, if they go 15-15 this year,
the entire Triangle will be on crutches.
Speaking
of Marshall Faulk and his fellow Ramjets, I wish I could be in the film room
next year when both Arizona and Seattle start unwrapping St Louis game tapes to
begin studying their newly-realigned NFC West pals. Man, the stunned looks on their faces should be epic. Not to mention watching them check their VCR
remotes to see if the Fast Forward button might've still been on.
Rest in
peace, Dick Schaap (As Told To Dick Schaap)
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.