Monday, 17-Dec-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
So much
for the George O'Leary Era in Golden Domeland ... Just five days after the
coachless Rudys gave O'Leary the keys to their vaunted kingdom of pig heaven,
turns out he never lettered at New Hampshire nor got an NYU master's degree in
education despite his bloated résumé's published claims. And since Georgia Tech certainly isn't doing
backflips hoping he'll return, George's coaching options would appear limited
at best. Although rumor has it the
Rolando Paulino Little League job is still open.
Say hello
to this year's NFL All-Eyechart Team ... Obafemi Ayanbadejo, Kevin Kaesviharn,
Tshimanga Biakabutuka, Sekou Sanyika, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Marques Tuiasosopo,
Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala, Maugaula Tuitele, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Paul Zukauskas,
Isaiah Kacyvenski, Chukie Nwokorie, Kimo von Oelhoffen, Az-Zahir Hakim, Doug
Brzezinski, Patrick Chukwurah, Dat Nguyen, Brandon Manumaleuna, Chidi Ahanotu,
Ndukwe Kalu, Chike Okeafor, Ross Kolodziej, Jeff Zgonina, Ifeanyi Ohalete and
Wasswa Serwanga. Whew, no wonder Pat
Summerall is retiring. Where have you
gone, Sam Huff ???
By the
way, spell check just did a Randy Moss on me.
Guess
someone forgot to tell Nate "Big Big Roachclip" Newton that only Cheech
and Chong can get away with driving a second fully-loaded dopemobile. Yep, just six short weeks after getting
pinched while motoring 213 pounds of the kind bud, Big Nate was pulled over in
Big D with yet another 175 pounds. And
so now we have the answer to that age-old question ... Orange jumpsuits do
indeed come in size XXXL.
If you
need more proof that college jock recruiting is a strange bizness, consider the
unique approach that Rutgers hopes is gonna pay off ... For $12,000 large, the
NJ school leased a billboard showing coach Greg Schiano and "Tony
Soprano" touting the program. Of
course, Soprano is the famous tube character played by James Gandolfini, a
Rutgers alum who apparently majored in "waste management" while
there. Yeah, but here's the vig ... The
billboard is on a highway near the Miami International Airport. In SoFlo which is nowhere near the Bada Bing
last time I checked.
Well,
hey, it's about time the cojones side of the North Carolina soccer program won
an NCAA champeenship, don'tcha think ???
NFL Week
14 ... Cleveland's infamous Dawg Pound woofed when the zeebs boned them on a
late replay gaffe that gift-wrapped a Jagwire win while the Lions finally
kissed their season schneid goodbye and stuck a fork in the Vikes to boot. Also, the giddy Patriots won a figgie battle
over the Bills and inched even closer to next week's Fish posedown while the
Iggles road danced on the Dead$kins grave and the deep-fried Falcs honked vis a
vis the Mannings. Oh yeah, the Ravens
got their burresses plexiglassed too.
Giason
Giambi Hits Yankee Giackpot On "Win Big Stein's Money" ... Slugger
Promises Many Giacks For Gioe Torre ... Derek Gieter Not So Overgioyed With
Sharing Big Apple Giuice.
Speaking
of names, how come jocks call each other with those silly last name nicknames
like Knobbie, Clarkie, Smoltzie, Coney, Lemmer or Boonie ??? And is it me or is it just old school white
baseball guys and Canadian hockey players who do this ??? Sure, you can understand the classics like
Smitty, Robby and Jonesy but you'll never catch Allen Iverson's Philly
teammates calling him "Ivie" for example. Well, at least not in front of his posse they don't.
Denver
Nuggets coach Dan Issel needs to switch to decaf real soon cause "Go drink
another <censored> beer, you Mexican <censored>" is not gonna
replace "The NBA !!! It's
FAN-tastic !!!" as The Association's marketing slogan any time soon. And don'tcha know you've got a textbook
anger management problem when you need Nick Van Exel to calm you down. Naturally, the chorus of the perpetually
offended whined when Issel was only suspended instead of sacked outright but
perhaps they don't realize that making him stay right there is a far worse
punishment. Hell, sign him to a
long-term contract extension. That'll
fix this problem.
You know
it's in my Iggle blood to loathe All Things Poke but ex-coach Jimmuh
"VO-5" Johnson zoomed skyward in my book during halftime last Monday
night when he "mistakenly" ... oops ... referred to owner Jerry Jones
as Michael Jackson in an obvious yet tasty dig on the very tight facelift
Jonesy got sometime earlier this year.
And if Coach Hairspray can somehow sneak in a Joan Rivers crack next
time ... Well, he'll have me at hello.
He'll have me at hello.
Speaking
of the Tar Holes ... They beat Binghamton in the Snuff Dome on Sunday. Yep, those same Binghamton Bearcats
competing in their very first year of Division 1-A college hoops. Kicked their asses too by a final of 61-60
in front of 12,000 extremely restless Baby Blue natives. Man, I sure hope the seeding committee
considers strength of schedule when it comes to handing out March Madness dance
cards next spring. It'd be a damn shame
to see the Bearcats miss out because of this.
Life is good. So good.
Still
more fun and games with names ... Tamir Goodman, the so-called Orthodox
"Jewish Jordan", got some ink last week when his poppa threatened to
sue Towson State coach Michael Hunt after he angrily threatened Goodman with
Bob Knight's favorite piece of furniture after last Saturday night's game. You gotta be kidding me. Somebody actually named their son Michael
Hunt ??? Okay, look, I know this is
really juvenile but has anybody seen him ???
Oh c'mon, lighten up, you know that's what you were thinking.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.