Monday, 3-Dec-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
No, no,
no, a thousand times no. No. Absolutely not. No, you do not do a remake of "Brian's Song”. Not no way, not no how. I mean, c’mon, what were those tube pinheads
thinking ??? There’s only one Mona Lisa
and there’s only one “Brian’s Song”.
Period. End of story. Geez, Billy Dee Williams was dead solid
perfect as Gayle Sayers. Nobody mumbles
his lines and still melts the ladies like Billy Dee. And Jimmy Caan’s wiseass Brian Piccolo with the heart-of-gold and
lungs-of-doom was a tour de force. Tell
me this didn’t really happen.
I watched
all of maybe 15 minutes of Duke's Big Ten-ACC Challenge win over Iowa last
Tuesday night before I just couldn't take it anymore. Cause during that small slice of time, Dickie V, who raises the
bar on annoying every time he's near a hot mike, called Hawkeye bench boss
Steve Alford a "special special coach". Oh, Alford's a special special coach. Boy, he's gonna be a special special coach. Wow, Stevie's some kinda special special
coach. And you are some kinda special
special click, Dick.
Thank you
for calling the Pasadena Hilton. Well
hello, Coach Spurrier, how can I help you ???
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir, we were so looking forward to having
your Gators stay with us in January. If
you'll give me a minute, we'll get you all taken care of ... Okay, Mr Spurrier,
you're all set. I've canceled all your
room reservations for that week. You
have a nice day, sir. Thank you for
calling the Pasadena Hilton. Well
hello, Coach Fullmer, how can I help you ???
Why, yes sir, that block of rooms is now open.
Speaking
of the Big Ten-ACC Challenge, my beloved Wahoos had their Wednesday night game
against Michigan State in Richmond called off some five minutes into the second
half after water from the hockey rink underneath made the steamy court too
slippery to play on. Now the schools
will have to refund all the ticket coin for the unfinished game. Of course, left unsaid is had they played the
game on campus instead of at the bigger Richmond Coliseum, there wouldn't have
been any ice to melt. It ain't
differential equations.
Bless me,
Father, for I have sinned. It has been
five years since my last confession and these are my sins. I was winless in three bowl games and just
6-15 against ranked teams. I never
finished a season ranked in the Top Ten and I have the third-worst winning
percentage in Notre Dame history. I
didn't have any first-team All-Americans and I only had one NFL first-round
draft pick. And I also got the Irish
put on NCAA probation for the first time in school history. For these and all my sins, I am heartily
sorry.
"Remember
now, that's why coaches coach, players play and writers write. Keep that in mind." So bleated the insufferable Brian Billick
last Sunday following his Ravens' last-minute comeback win over the Jagwires
engineered by his beleaguered QB Elvis Grbac.
Yep, Billick is the same world-class media ho who wrote "Competitive
Leadership: Twelve Principles For Success" which last time I checked ain't
cracking anyone's top-selling book list.
And that's why coaches coach, players play and writers write.
By the
way and for the record ... “Brian’s Song” is not repeat not a sports
movie. Even though it’s on just about
everybody’s all-time list of favorite sports flicks, “Brian’s Song” is a cancer
movie. Okay, a cancer movie inside an
ebony and ivory buddy movie but still think about it ... If Pic doesn’t get
sick, then he’s really just another slow white jebeep a la Bob Christian, Mike
Alstott or Cory Schlesinger. And if he
ain’t roomies with Sayers, then he’s not naming his kid “Spade” Piccolo right
in the middle of a 40-yard sprint either.
NFL Week
12 piglets ... Looks like the Falcs bandwagon has a few less dirty birds on
board after the Rams shellacked 'em.
Same goes for the Dead$kins as the Pokes brought Camp Marty crashing
down. Da Bears kept GM Matt Millen and
his winless Lions in agony while the Raiders got Snaked by the suddenly hot
Zona Cardinals of all people. Fish,
Steelers, Niners, Iggs and Ravens all kept pace for offs spots while Patriot
Nation is winning with $150,000,000 worth of pissed-off quarterback and wide
receiver riding pine.
And
speaking of PO'ed ... I'm guessing Peyton Manning and Jim Mora ain't gonna be
swapping Season's Greetings this year.
Of course, if Peyton did send his coach a Christmas card, no doubt Rod
Woodson would pick it off and take it to another house. Mora has had these kinda delicious post-game
meltdowns before. Anybody remember his
epic "diddly-poo" flameout the day before he quit coaching the Saints
??? Well, you might think you know but
you just don't know.
If you
had 16 in the Number Of Wizard Games Before Be Like's Knees Start Hurting Pool,
then you're a winner. An MRI in Chicago
on Monday and then a four-game road trip starting Tuesday night in San
Antone. Since his come-comeback kicked
off this summer, Jordan's had back spasms, cracked ribs, tendinitis, a jammed
wrist and now this cranky knee. Ouch,
that hurts just reading it.
So I'm
doing 65 on the Interstate on my way into work Wednesday morning ... Hey,
that's Jeff Gordon blocking my lane.
And that's Tony Stewart right behind him too. No. 1 and No. 2 in NASCAR's final Winston Cup point
standings. Well alright, here's my
chance ... I'm dropping the hammer, Harry.
And so pretty soon I'm hauling 73 and they're both choking on my fumes
in my rear view mirror. Okay, okay, so
it was just a coupla big ol' 18-wheelers hauling gear but both were painted just
like their cars with their numbers on and everything. And Jeff and Tony coulda been driving those rigs, you never know.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.