Monday, 12-Nov-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
With the
sweet perfume of a great Fall Classic still wafting in the chill air, Bud Light
and his moronic fellow owners cut some truly nasty cheese on Tuesday with the
announcement that two baseball franchises, most likely the Spos and Twinks,
will be kaput by next spring. Clearly,
Montreal is a mal de tete since Quebecois fans obviously can't be bothered if
ice skates aren't involved. So, if
that's the case, then why not move Les Expos ??? Maybe New York could support three teams again. Hell, that's where most players wind up
anyway.
Well,
that didn't take very long ... No sooner had ex-Poke cokemeister Michael
"Big Big Diamonds" Irvin walked away scot-free from felony blow
charges on a search warrant technicality on Monday, come Tuesday ex-Poke
tokemeister Nate "Big Big Helpings" Newton got hisself pinched
hauling a Newton-esque 213 pounds of the NBA's favorite herb down on the
bayou. C'mon, sing it with me ... The
stars do try to get real high ... clap, clap, clap, clap ... Deep in the heart
of Texas.
NFL Week
9 piglets ... Looks like the Good Ship Viking has crashed on the rocks. One painful rebuilding program coming right
up, Mr Green. Also, Da Pack brought Da
Bears back to earth at least for now.
Meanwhile, in this week's Butthead Bowl, Terrell "He's Not Saying
Mooch, He's Saying Boo" Owens' 49ers squeaked past Kyle
"Thunderlips" Turley's Saints Be Praised by a point. And Marshall Faulk came outta the Rams' pit
row to rip my Panthers for 183 yards rushing ... And then took the second half
off. Ouch.
More weed
highlights ... Lamar Odom, the young and immensely talented Paper Clip hoopster,
has to sit out yet another five-game suspension after once again flunking a
ganja test. Said a tearful Lamar ...
"I'm here today because I failed.
I chose to experiment with marijuana." Now that is a priceless quote.
He chose to experiment ??? Geez,
I wonder what his null hypothesis was ???
The probability of not getting high after ten bong hits is zero ??? Guess it's too bad Lamar didn't light up the
placebo weed instead.
More on
this contraction lunacy ... I could maybe listen to the argument about diluted
talent ... especially pitching ... but killing the Twinks is just plain
insulting ... The only reason Minnesota's on the chopping block is cause
86-year-old owner Carl Pohlad wants his coin now. Guess maybe he thinks Anna Nicole Smith will give him a call or
something. But the Twins are the
original Washington Senators, a team rich in AL tradition with legendary Hall
Of Fame names like Walter Johnson and, um, Walter Johnson and, well, some other
really good guys, I'm sure.
HOORAY
BEER.
Nothing
quite kills an NBA team's record quite like starting Derrick Coleman at power
forward, is there ??? Last year's Bug
infestation, now DC is deep-sixing the 1-5 Sixers who finally won their first
game of the young Association season Saturday night when Bubba Chuck returned
from his many boo-boos to launch his usual two dozen shots. Man, Coleman is so lethal to a team's
fortunes that perhaps we should give him a new moniker ... How about
"Inhalation" Coleman, the worst kind of Coleman.
New sign
in the UCLA locker room ... Do Not Drive Eric Laneuville's SUV. Do Not Drive Any Hollywood Person's
SUV. Do Not Drive An SUV, Period. Do Not Buy, Rent, Borrow Or Lease An
SUV. Do Not Test Drive An SUV. Do Not Point At An SUV. Do Not Look At An SUV. Pretend There Is No Such Thing As An
SUV. Either Walk Or Ride A Moped. Nobody Calls The NCAA If You Ride A Damn
Moped.
Check out
this past weekend's suh-weet ACC pig scoreboard ... My Beloved Cavaliers 39,
Georgia Tech 38 ... Wake Forest 32, Tar Holes 31 ... NC State 34, Criminoles 28
... Maryland 37, Climpson 20 ... Idle 77, Duke 0 ... Thank you all for playing
and we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Looks
like Cardinal McGwire is packing up his robes and calling it a career. Fifth on the all-time tater list with 583
moonshots, Big Mac was The Man in 1998 when he chased 61, the holiest of holy
numbers in baseball lore. Little did we
know then that 70 wouldn't last three years let alone thirty. But he's almost always been banged up
somehow or another and his knees are shredded wheat by now so first base is
officially available in St Louis. You
think the Cards have Jason Giambi on speed dial ???
Well, son
of a gun, I guess Lou Holtz was finally right ... His team did sip compared to
his upcoming opponent. Long-time Lou
watchers know all too well that His Weaselness loves to poor mouth his own
squad in the days leading up to a big game hoping he'll catch the other guys
overconfident. And he absolutely killed
his Cocks all last week leading up to their big Saturday night home posedown
against SEC bully Florida. Final score
... The sky fell. Gators 54, Chicken
Littles 17.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.