Monday, 22-Oct-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
If there
was anyone who enjoyed watching that painful display of putrid pig last Monday
night, you know it had to be old Past His Prime Time himself. Think about it ... Deion's old contracts
take up heaping forkfuls of precious dead money space on both the Dead$kins and
the Pokes' current salary caps. Geez,
Sanders had to be in hysterics each time he saw Facelift Jones and Danny Boy
squirming in agony watching their horrid teams play. I know I was and I've never cashed any of their checks.
I dunno
who started the dirty baseball cap superstition several years ago but it's
pretty gross if you ask me.
Snakecharmer Curt Schilling is the latest ballplayer who somehow
believes he plays better cause he wears the same filthy chapeau all season
long. I suppose this practice isn't any
stranger than Pedro Cerrano offering up rum and ceegars to Jobu or Nuke LaLoosh
wearing Annie Savoy's favorite garters but you gotta figure any day now
Schilling's gonna get called for a balk while he's swatting flies.
However,
I doubt a balk will make much difference cause Curt Schilling simply owns this
postseason. And once Unit got off his
big schneid, the Snakes rattled the Tomaflops right outta their spikes. Headed for the Series in just their fourth
season, Zona's gonna be dangerous if they can get a pair of quality starts
apiece outta these two hosses. Then
again, looks like their prey is gonna be the Yanks one more time and we all
know they're harder to kill than Mama's Family reruns.
NFL Week
6 notes ... As usual, all the professional pig punditry's pre-season
prognosticatory picks were poo-poo. The
Steelers, Browns, Bolts and Da Bears are officially all that and a bag of
fresh-roasted peanuts. While the Doncs,
Horseshoes, Jagwires, Flaming Thumbtacks and Buccaneers are officially none of
that and a bag of empty shells. And
let's not forget our defending Supe champ Ravens at 3-3 and looking like
blackened crow will be on their menu real soon. And no, we are not discussing my Panthers who are officially
testing the patience of even their most diehard loyals, thank you very much.
Those
lovable Section 8's from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals got
some fresh ink last week ... Seems they want the University of South Carolina
to quit calling their teams the Gamecocks since illegal cockfighting ain't
exactly kind to its feathered participants.
But as usual, PETA was asleep at the wheel on this one since they
clearly shoulda raised this stank two seasons ago when Lou Holtz's boys were on
their way to 0-11. Hell, at that time,
even the poor birds themselves woulda joined the protest.
More MLB
at-bats ... The Stros gave skipper Larry Dierker his pink slip. Yeah, all the bum did was win 4 NL Central
titles in his 5 seasons. Meanwhile,
Charlie Manuel and Tony La Russa, two other first-round playoff losers, got
their jobs renewed so go figure. And
despite his gainful employment by the Anaheim Angels, Mo Vaughn might've
auto-tampered himself after he pined out loud for a return to his beloved Red
Sox and the home of his equally beloved Foxy Lady nightclub. Don't forget to tip the girls, Mo.
College
football's getting fun too ... Joe Pa's Nitts finally got him his Bear-tying
323rd win and not an agonizing moment too soon while the Canes look like
they're gonna get the BCS shaft come this week's first set of rankings. Also, Oregon joined Oregon State in
fulfilling SI's dream of jinxing every team they can spill ink on while Fresno
State's unbeaten carriage is a pumpkin once again. And no, we are not discussing my Cavaliers who are officially
testing the patience of even their most diehard loyals, thank you very much.
The San
Jose Earthquakes beat the Los Angeles Galaxy to win the 2001 Major League
Soccer Cup. Click.
Last
Sunday morning, J-E-T-S safety Damien Robinson drove his SUV to the players'
gate at Hoffa Stadium. As part of
routine security shakedowns, a poochie sniffed and barked up Damien's illegal
Bushmaster .223 automatic assault rifle with three heavy-load clips plus 200
rounds of ammo in the trunk. So
naturally, instead of hauling his gluteus right then and there, they let
Robinson go play football and then read him his rights after the game. Yep, you got it ... In the most nervous city
in the entire world, not even a concealed machine gun was serious enough to
inconvenience an athlete. Heaven
forbid.
Can it be
true ??? Rumor has it Hollywood might
just cast Anna "My Favorite Russian" Kournikova as the next Bond
girl. Any takers on what Anna's
character's name would be ??? How about
some of these suggestions ... Natasha Goodbounce ... Anita Newserve ... Nadia
Loveforty ... Ivana Winsoon ... Or perhaps my favorite one ... Frenchy Open. Sigh ... Anybody know when filming starts
???
By the
way, if the Rams and Ravens meet up in Supe 36, do you think anyone in
Cleveland will watch ???
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.