Monday, 8-Oct-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Wow,
whatta baseball season ... Clearly, Barry's new record of 73 jacks is the
biggest story but he also broke the walks record while his on-base and slugging
%ages are downright obscene. Meanwhile,
Rickey broke Ty Cobb's all-time runs scored record and got his 3,000 career
hits. The M's didn't miss Pay Rod one bit while my Phillies finally got a
little frisky. And to Rob Dibble's
horror, Ichiro was all that and a box of sushi while Big Unit whiffed a bird
and 372 NL hitters. Oh, and Cal and
Tony G said see ya. Whew.
Didja
hear what Be Like had to say about his come-comeback ??? Said the Airful One at
his DC press gig last Monday ... "It's an itch that still needs to be
scratched here and I don't want that itch to bother me for the rest of my life.
What I'm trying to do is get that last scratch in." And now stay tuned,
folks. We'll be right back after these
messages from our sponsors, Benadryl and Lanacane.
You know,
I can't think of another big-time college with as wide a gap between its pig
and hoops programs as the current Dookies.
With Saturday's loss to Georgia Tech, Duke's hopeless gridders have now
lost a school record 17 straight football games, the longest such stretch of rancid
pig in the entire country. Meanwhile, Krzyzewski's defending b-ball champs
inked 6-10 stud puppy Shavlik Randolph last week to seal the highest-ranked
high school recruiting class ever.
Yeah, I guess we know who gets the best parking spots on that campus.
Over the
past four baseball seasons, Sammy Sosa's tater numbers read like so ... 66, 63, 50, and 64. Now take a wild guess
how many times he's won the home run crown over that span. Yep, you got it ...
Each time Senor Sosa has gone yard more than 60 times over a full slate, he has
finished Numero Dos, twice to Cardinal McGwire and now once behind The Barry.
However last year, when Sammy "slumped" all the way back down to just
50, he led the entire major leagues. Man, that's hard to believe, Harry.
Good
afternoon, thank you for calling Barnes & Noble, how may I help you
??? Oh hello again, Mr Mickelson. No, sir, I'm sorry but Tiger's new book
called "How I Play Golf" still hasn't arrived yet. No, sir, they haven't told us when we can
expect them. Yes, we do have your name
down on our reserved list and I promise you that as soon as the book gets here
I'll save one just for you, sir. You're
welcome, Mr Mickelson, and you have a nice day, sir.
"I
can think of no better way to send a message to the terrorists." So proclaimed Charles "The Other New
York Senator" Schumer who lobbied hard for the NFL to move the Supe to
Hoffa Stadium in tribute to New York's terror victims. Sigh, yeah, I'm sure Osama's boys are just
worried sick over our choice of venue for The Big Game. Not to mention what the hell kinda message
they'd be getting while watching 70,000 of our morons freeze their al-qaedas
off outdoors at night in February.
Speaking
of Barry Bonds and his one-man dinger derby, I had to laugh at the dude in the
Enron stands who caught Barry's record-tying 70th in Houston on Thursday night
... Real estate salesman Charles Murphy said he used his son's glove to snag
the historic horsehide but afterwards goofed when he told reporters that he'd
felt a "rush of estrogen" after he caught the ball. Yeah, I'll betcha ol' Chuck's pals back at
the Century 21 office ain't gonna let him forget that little faux pas for a
very long time.
Hey,
Jaromir, come on in. Close the door and
have a seat. Doris told me you wanted
to see me before the morning skate. So,
what's on your mind, pal ??? How do you
like Washington so far ??? Anything I
can do for you ??? You're not happy
with your uniform number ??? But you've
always worn "68". Everybody
in the NHL knows that "68" is you, Jaromir. Your new Caps jersey is in all the DC stores. Oh, I see.
No, no, that's okay, you can wear "23" if you want to. No problem, big guy. Right, see ya at the skate.
The
Iggles signed running back Rod Smart aka "He Hate Me", the defunct
XFL's most colorful character, to their practice squad last week. No truth to the rumor that Hate wore a
jersey with "Don't Waives Me" for his first NFL practice.
Big story
here in Charlotte was the pathetic turf at Ericsson Stadium for last Sunday's
Panthers-Pack game. Panther suits spun
like tops blaming everything they could think of including cooler than usual
summer weather. Well, I'm here to tell
you my A/C's been on since June plus I got the usual burns on my hands from
opening my sizzling car door handles so that dog don't hunt. Besides, the weather was the same at Wake,
Duke, NC State and Clemson plus all three Carolinas ... North, East and South
... and I sure as hell didn't see their sod coming up in clumps as big as Marv
Albert's hairpiece.
On
Thursday, the dude who got two years in the clink for stalking Martina Hingis
lost a court appeal to have his conviction overturned. Apparently, the Swiss Miss has fallen in
love with the SoFlo attorney who prosecuted the case for her and so the guy's
lawyer went fishing for a conflict of interest do-over. However, da judge said Martina could go to
the net with whomever she pleased and then scolded the defense attorney for
trying to grab some free pub. Man, I'm
telling you, chick tennis rules. I love
this game.
As
expected, Tags eventually cut a deal with the NADA to switch their Nawlins
convention dates so that Supe 36 could be moved back a week into February. The car boys accepted $7.5 million to cover
their costs plus you can bet they're gonna get some pretty choice game tix
too. However, a peek at the calendar
now shows the Supe on tap at the same time Mardi Gras kicks into full schwing. Wow, a whole city filled with boozy half-naked
college kids and rabid football fans on corporate expense accounts. God bless America.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.