Monday, 5-Sep-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Ain't no
flies on Ashley Martin who became the first woman ... besides the immortal
Kathy Ireland, of course ... to play and score points in a college football
game when she chick-kicked three extra points for Jacksonville State in their
72-10 romp over Cumberland on Thursday night.
Yep, the very same Cumberland on the zero end of that epic 222 to zip
skunkjob against Georgia Tech way back in 1916. Man, I guess the pig is just not their sport.
Compared
to men's tennis, the ladies have both hands on the conch, pure and simple. Think about it ... The Swiss Miss keeps
putting her politically incorrect foot in her wide open mouth, Jenny Cap's
comeback is VH-1 "Behind The Music" material, the Williams sisters
are on the cover of Time magazine, Monica Seles is still on the bounceback from
her stabbing by a deranged Steffi fan and everybody hates the blond Russian
with the killer front court. There ain't
a scriptwriter alive who could dream all this stuff up. You go, girls.
Let's
give it up for the Los Angeles Sparks, the WNBA's newest champeen, who swept
the Charlotte "They're Still Here?" Sting in two straight. Just way too much Lisa Leslie and that's the
name of that tune. Funny though how
Hell Ay hoop fans didn't bother with rioting in their downtown city streets
following this title clincher. Hang in
there, ladies, someday we'll all care enough to destroy the hood for you.
Mike
Mussina may have lost his perfect game against Boston with one strike left on
Sunday night but Moose nevertheless buried a giant fork into a grumpy Red Sox
Nation for this season. In other MLB
news, my Phillies are gamely hanging on due in large part to the Tomaflops' miserable
home record as of late. But perhaps the
highlight of the week was the attempt to serve David Justice with a palimony
subpoena as the former Mr Halle Berry was coming into the dugout between
innings. However, the poor schlub
dropped the papers as the Yankee outfielder sped by which means of course that
... Justice was not served. Sorry,
couldn't resist.
Al
Martin's nose just got a little longer ... You'll recall Al warmed his own buns
last year when he somehow had two women each convinced she was the real Mrs
Martin. Well, the M's outfielder now
believes he started at strong safety for USC in the mid-80's and once met Leroy
Hoard head-on during a 1986 game against Michigan. Only problem is there's no record that Big Al was ever enrolled
at Southern Cal let alone on the football field. Not to mention the Trojans never played Michigan that year. Strike two, Al.
Last week
of NFL pre-season and The Turk had his customary sit down with the usual
assortment of semi-familiar veteran names ... Carnell Lake, Russell Maryland,
Jim Harbaugh, Eric Zeier, Tremain Mack, William "Job None" Floyd,
Rodney Peete, Eric Metcalf, Devin Bush, Darnell Autry, Henry Jones, Jeff Lewis,
Kent Graham and Keith Poole. And Cortez
Kennedy tossed in his XXXL towel as well.
Don't forget to write, fellas.
Ordinarily,
the bronze medallist in the 3,000 meter steeplechase at something called the
Canada Games would be somewhat less than a mere afterthought. But not Daniel Blouin who lost his prize
last week after he decided to show the crowd his "vertical smile"
during his medal ceremony. However,
Blouin then got his hardware back after 4th-place finisher Reid Coolsaet
courageously decided he'd rather win without a moon in the middle. O Canada, we stand bent o'er for thee.
Okay, so
Daniel Almonte was really 14 years old.
Okay, so his Dominican tourist visa expired last winter. Okay, so he hasn't attended school at all
since he's been here. None of that
should matter though cause the kid can throw 70 on the radar gun and has an
honest-to-Dios slider, right ??? Look,
I got a warm spot for Little League but this is exactly what happens when you
put kids on national tube in a big stadium and tell 'em to go win it all. Probably won't be long before the kids start
their own union. Sigh.
More NFL
piglets ... All in all, the replacements refs haven't been a disaster yet but
NFLPA by-laws apparently must not mention supporting other unions as several
brain-cramped players chided the real refs for their labor spat. Elsewhere, Randy Moss got fined five grand
for wearing an unauthorized ball cap on the sidelines. The same Randy Moss who got an $18,000,000
signing bonus in July. But best of all
is the fake pig is officially over.
Time to tee it up.
Wormie
got some fresh ink last week as the Newport Beach Police Department's favorite
mug shot soaked the local Hooters with a fire extinguisher after another
owl-loving patron allegedly said something Rodman allegedly didn't
appreciate. Worm's manager, Steven
Chasman, commented afterward ... "My impression is that it was a misunderstanding." Which I think we can all understand.
A study
came out last week saying that about 400,000 children between the ages of 10
and 14 have taken some kind of performance-enhancing supplement. Read that again if you have to. Almost half a million kiddies are
Bosworth-ing their way through their youth sports activities as we speak. You know, this is the kinda stuff that makes
me yearn for those good old days when the Breakfast Club simply got high in the
school library on a Saturday in detention.
Rest in
peace, Lawrence "Crash" Davis.
The rose goes in the front, big guy.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.