Monday, 27-Aug-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Hate to
beat a dead stadium but will somebody please put The Vet out of its misery
already. Man, that thing was a jewel
when it first opened up some thirty years ago but now they can't even get the
stupid turf ready for a football game that doesn't even count. And now they say they're gonna try laying
this new-fangled NeXturf stuff over asphalt to see if that'll work. Yeah, like who needs a grounds crew when a
road crew will do. Next thing you know
they'll have orange barrels and flashing lane closure signs all over that dump.
"Earrings
Nearly Cause Brawl" ... Hell, this I gotta read. Yep, that was one of several headlines in my Sunday sports
page. Seems that Injun shortstop Omar
"The Buntmaker" Vizquel was batting and didn't like the glare coming
off the big big diamonds in M's reliever Arthur Rhodes' ear lobes. Sure enough, both benches quickly emptied
and soon 50 or so grown men were this close to a major league furball over a fashion
accessory. Yes, this is indeed our
national pastime but somehow I don't think Abner Doubleday had this in mind.
Ordinarily,
I wouldn't even think of rooting against a Little League team no matter where
they're from. But with the New York
hype machine in full slobber over the Rolando Paulino kids from the Bronx,
believe me, it was tempting. Especially
all that hot air spent on star pitcher Danny Almonte who may or may not have
been a real 12-year-old. Okay, so the
kid looked like a Mini-Me of Randy Johnson but I guarantee you no young man is
gonna tolerate that ridiculous "Little Unit" nickname for very long
if at all.
Anybody
been watching "Hard Knocks", the weekly HBO series featuring the Supe
champ Ravens in training camp ??? Well,
if you haven't, you've been missing some fairly compelling tube. As you might expect, Motormouth Sharpe and
Tony "Second Helping" Siragusa provide most of the giggles and some
insight and candor. Also in focus are
some rooks and jebeeps who might not make the team so that tension is real
thick. But the real fun is watching
bosshog Brian Billick seal his slot as head coach of the NFL's All-Ham
Team. Pass the bacon, Brian.
Man,
there's no better way to ring in a new college pig season than to watch
defending champ Oklahoma laying some serious wood on the hapless Tar
Heels. Sure, it woulda been extra sweet
had my beloved Cavaliers taken care of the Wisconsin Badgers but I'll take a
Baby Blue bagjob any day. Thank you,
Sooners.
So what
up in MLB ??? Sammy Sosa's got the hip
back in his hop. The BoSox finally axed
skipper Jimy Williams and his baffling lineups in favor of Joe Kerrigan who of
course immediately changed the lineup.
Also, Junior's hammy legged out a wild inside-the-park walkoff homer to
beat the Cards in extra innings.
Meanwhile, Cincy fans actually stopped another game with a massive roar
for a pitcher who did nothing more than warm up ... A mere six years and five
Tommy John surgeries after his last pitch.
Welcome back, Jose Rijo.
Memo to
Tags ... Please take care of this labor pissing match with the NFL
referees. Just pay the damn zebras what
they're worth and let's all move on.
That was a $17 billion dollar tube deal you signed a coupla years ago so
you obviously have the coin. The last
thing your NFL needs now is replacement refs.
We've already had to suffer through watching Keanu Reeves and Gene
Hackman do a movie about the replacement players so please don't give 'em any
new material for a sequel. I'm begging
you.
Doug
Glanville finally got to hit against Curt Schilling when the Phils played the
Snakes on Sunday. Big deal, you
say. Well, it was life-and-death to
Glanville who admitted he was out for revenge.
Revenge for a dead Paladin dwarf named Bingbong. Say what ??? Well, it seems these two ex-teammates are avid players of
EverQuest, an addictive online fantasy game similar to Dungeons and
Dragons. And yes, Schilling's Cylc
character was the one who killed Bingbong way back when. By the way, Glanville has an engineering
degree from Penn, the Ivy League school.
Which might actually explain this, if you think about it.
Six
months and about a million bucks later, NASCAR finally released its Miller Lite
Official Pennzoil Report On Dale Earnhardt's AC Delco Death Sponsored By Skoal Bandits
last Tuesday in Hotlanta. Supposedly,
they talked to fiftysomething experts and conducted several rigorous tests and
reenactments plus studied tons of computer readouts ... All to arrive at the
startling conclusion that Three apparently died when his car apparently slammed
head-on into Daytona's cement wall apparently while doing 160. Imagine that.
So her
doctors say that Anna "My Favorite Russian" Kournikova needs to rest
for about three more months or so to let the stress fracture in her foot heal
properly before she can resume not winning any important tennis matches. Which is perfect, of course, cause now Anna
will have all the time she needs for water skiing and sunbathing plus those
all-important photo shoots and bra billboards.
Not to mention fancy South Beach dinners with Sergei Federov showing off
their his-and-her mystery jewelry.
Kid's got it rough.
And so
Philadelphia's Lindros Era ended with a whimper last week as GM Bob Clarke
finally unloaded Eric The Head on his New York Ranger pals. Little do the Broadway Blueshirts know but
Eric Lindros is a package deal all by himself cause his family comes along for
the ride at all times. Papa Carl drove
Clarkie nuts over the years but now it's Glen Sather's turn to play the Family
Feud. Good luck, Glen. Just a suggestion but you might wanna ask
Carl to ask Eric to pretty please skate with his head up from now on.
Rest in
peace, Earl Anthony. If someone had put
a gun to my head and forced me to name just one pro bowler, you woulda been The
Man. Now I guess I'll just hafta learn
a few more PBA names to be safe.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.