Monday, 30-Jul-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Daddy,
when I grow up, I wanna play in the N-B-A.
Hey, that's great, son, whadda ya say we head down to the playground and
start learning the fundamentals of basketball ... I'll show you how to dribble
and how to shoot and how to box out.
And then we'll practice the two-handed chest pass and the pick-and-roll
and how to D up and then we'll shoot some free throws. And then ... Huh, you wanna do what ??? Look, I don't care what Patrick Ewing did,
we're not stopping by the Gold Club for free hummers on the way home.
Raise
your hand if you honestly believe Prime Time is done. Neon Deion supposedly bagged his pig career last week but I'm not
buying it. I mean, the only thing
Sanders loathed more than playing for the Dead$kins last season was the idea of
playing for Marty Schottenheimer this time around. So, he blew off half a mill of Danny Boy's bonus booty and boot
scooted outta DC. And on some joe
random morning maybe halfway through the NFL season, some nervous first-place
GM with a busted corner is gonna call.
Book it.
You know,
whenever I get the urge to complain about my thoroughly mediocre favorite
teams, all I gotta do is take comfort knowing that at least, thank God, I don't
hafta worry that either Scott Mitchell, Jon Kitna or Akili Smith will be my guy
at quarterback.
Yes, I'll
have the hot seat, please. With a side
order of vote of confidence and contract extension, thanks. I like Stros skipper Larry Dierker if for no
other reason than he started the recent trend of hiring "put your money
where your mouth is" broadcasters as dugout managers. But if your ballclub coughs up a lock solid
8-2 lead with two outs in the 9th and nobody on like Houston did on Saturday
against the dogass Pirates, then it might be time to think about new voice
lessons.
You do
realize if some French dude came over here and just completely jordaned The
Association that we'd lose our minds.
Think about it ... If some Looie LaFayette with le game du serious
jetted over here and started winning champeenship rings and MVP's and scoring
titles and all that, this country's hoops fans would go le ballistique. Which must explain the sea of sacre bleu
frowns and merde mumbles that greeted Lance Armstrong as he pedaled down the
Champs Elysees with his third straight Tour de France triomphe.
Thirty
minutes into an otherwise ordinary Tuesday afternoon Falcons practice, coach
Dan "Will Lose Super Bowls For Food" Reeves casually informed his two
rookie kickers that if they both made their next field goal attempts ... are
you ready for this ??? ... that he'd eighty-six the rest of practice and the
whole team could then go ... bowling.
Both tenderfoots did indeed drill their 43-yarders and it was roll city,
baby. The whole squad, jebeeps and all.
Boy, now that's something I woulda paid to see.
Wimbledon's
been done for weeks and the US Open ain't up for another month so of course
it's time once again for the annual rumor frenzy better known as Is She Or
Isn't She Married To A Hockey Player ??? ... Yep, there she was, My Favorite
Russian, denying wink wink that she'd secretly married Sergei Federov in a
hush-hush Moscow ceremony. Sergei's mom
insisted it did happen. Anna's dad got
grumpy and said no it didn't. And all
the while the other top shelf chick tennis players actually played ... tennis.
Okay, I'm
finally convinced that Be Like is coming back ... Forget all the whispers and
tease. Mike's a master at that
misdirection stuff anyway. All you need
to know is next season's NBA schedule is out and the Peacock has all kinds of
potentially juicy Wiz games lined up for broadcast. And don't think for a minute they won't ditch some matchup like
Milwaukee against Toronto in favor of a Washington game. And for sure they ain't gonna do that just
to see how Christian Laettner's career is rebounding.
More MLB
notes ... Nomah's back in Beantown and not a noment too soon. Rickey Henderson almost got Rickey Henderson
drilled after Rickey Henderson stole second base way late in San Diego's 12-5
Sunday rout over the Brewers but Rickey Henderson then took Rickey Henderson
outta the game before Milwaukee could retaliate. Meanwhile, M's fans went certifiable over 20,000 Ichiro bobblehead
dolls proving once again there's absolutely no limit to the amount of stuff
that'll end up in garage sales about five years later.
What else
was new in The Association last week ???
Shaq Fu told his audience at some show called "Half Baked"
that he was gonna retire in three years and become a cop. Olden Polynice had a bad base of golf
rage. Pat Croce's new title in
Sixerland is the dreaded "consultant" after he apparently lost a
power struggle with the Comcast suits.
And the T-Pups wrote the last chapter to that incredible Joe Smith saga
by signing none other than Joe Smith to a phat new $34 million dollar
deal. Go figure.
Anything
else new in the NFL ??? In a Tale Of
Two Injuries, Patriot Nation was understandably schizo after Andy Katzenmoyer
bolted camp with a neck boo-boo while Robert Edwards was cleared to practice
after shredding his knee two years ago.
Meanwhile, here in Pantherland, 4th round pick Chris Weinke died and
went to heaven after inking a deal that could pay him $20 mill if he gets the
starting QB job. And lastly, Randy Moss
got his $75,000,000 pile which ain't bad for a guy who touches the pig maybe
five times a game. Twice if it's a
playoff.
And
finally, we have The Mouse shaking down local Anaheim businesses who service
their Disneyland Resorts. Here's an
actual quote from the recent letter sent to Disney vendors
"suggesting" they kick in for Mighty Ducks season tix at $3,300 a
puck ... "Unless attendance picks up, the long-term impact will reach far
beyond the Mighty Ducks and have negative consequences for all of
us." C'mon, sing it with me ...
It's a small world after all. It's a
small world after all. It's a small
world after all. It's a small, small
world.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.