Monday, 23-Jul-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Big mess
in Crabtown as a freight train carrying hydrochloric acid and other assorted
nasties derailed and caught fire in a tunnel near Camden Yards on Wednesday
night and postponed the next three O's games.
Word is the beleaguered Baltimore Fire Department finally got the blaze
under control once they escorted the Orioles pitching staff far far away from
the scene of the accident. Thank you,
thank you, I'll be here all week.
Ain't no
flies on David Duval, the iceman in the Bite Me Oakleys, who won the British
Open by three strokes over a crowded field that once again left El Tigre in the
dust. And then there's Ian Woosnam who
redefined stupidity and heartbreak in one swift kick in the tees when his new
caddie inadvertently left an illegal extra club in Woosie's bag to start
Sunday's final round ... Which cost him a precious two-stroke penalty not to
mention several hundred grand in prize coin.
Sounds like one caddie resume coming right up.
I'm
sorry. I tried. I really tried. But pro
chick hoops just doesn't do it for me.
And I'm not alone if, as I suspect, more fans know that Phoenix Mercury
F Lisa "Princess" Harrison just won Playboy's "Sexiest Babes Of
The WNBA" poll than know or even care which side won last week's All-Star
Game. Not to mention that Harrison ran
away with the contest after she dropped several hints that she just might take
the magazine up on its $100,000 offer for a nude layout. We got breasts.
And from
our "This Was Bound To Happen" department ... Florida state Senator
Ginny Brown-Waite got conked on the head with a stray warm-up toss while
waiting to throw out the first pitch at a youth baseball league game on Tuesday
night. She was out cold for about a
minute and was later seen leaving the hospital sporting a shiner. Said the woozy senator ... "I was in
the wrong place at the wrong time."
Well, at least she wasn't with Michael Irvin.
One by
one, NFL training camps are opening up.
Everybody's starting fresh at 0-0 although the Bungles are already a two
touch dog against their blocking sled.
And rookies are singing college fight songs and carrying veterans'
pads. And rosters are overflowing with
jebeep names whose careers have six weeks left and counting. And diehard fans with obligatory beer
coolers are parked in lawn chairs on the hill.
And coaches making five figures are screaming at players making seven. Pig, baby, pig. It's all happening.
Another
Tour De Lance is all but in the books as the long tall Texan obliterated the
field in those insane mountain stages.
I read somewhere that in one of the stages through the Pyrenees
mountains, wild bears still roam and the locals still hunt ducks and pigs for
food and not for sport. Let's see ... A
month on a bike no wider than David Duval's smile. Up and over enough mountains to make Julie Andrews quit
singing. And all while trying to avoid
some Deliverance-style woodsman sizing you up for dinner. Sign me up.
Will
somebody please tell me what is the big deal with calling the strike zone
??? Just how hard is it to remember
it's between the knees and the letters and over the plate ??? This league goes a little wide, that one a
little low. It's the belt buckle. No, it's not. It's on the black. No,
it's not. It depends on how well the
catcher "frames" the pitch.
No, it doesn't. Now there's a
big stank going on about umpire pitch counts and how 270 is the magic number
and so on and so forth. Sigh, just call
the damn things.
So what
else is new in beisbol ??? Fred McGriff
actually turned down a trade from the last place Debbil Rays to the first place
Cubbies cause he didn't wanna leave his family and caught some mild macho flack
for it. John Rockhead lost his new
closer job with the Injuns which now means he'll be able to attend even more
Black Sabbath concerts. Meanwhile,
Phineas T needed something to bitch about so he slammed skipper Joe Torre for
taking too many Yanks to the All-Star Game.
Well, okay, George, that's no problem.
Just have Joe blow the pennant and you all can stay home next
summer. Yeah, I didn't think so.
If you've
got a spare $500,000 lying around, you can logon to eBay starting Friday and
place an opening bid for the great Shoeless Joe Jackson's legendary "Black
Betsy" bat. Yep, the infamous
"Black Sox" slugger's favorite piece of lumber is up for grabs and
the pre-sale hype suggests the winning bid may indeed surpass the $3,050,000
that Cardinal McGwire's 70th dinger ball fetched two years ago. Wow, if his bat's that rare, just think how
much Joe's shoes would go for.
In
Association news, the owners and players solved a last-minute salary cap snag
and then rang the bell on not-so-free agency season ... Highlighted of course
by Pain Webber's fresh new $122.7 million dollar deal to stay right where he
hates it in Sacramento. Naturally,
C-Webb's press gig quotes were worth his whole stack ... "There was
nothing better than being here. I had every option open to me. This is where I needed
to be. That's why I'm back." And
if you believe all that, I've got Larry Brown's 30-year mortgage to sell you.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.