Monday, 9-Jul-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Man, I
love baseball All-Star controversies ... No other major sport produces so much
bitter anguish over such meaningless issues ... Such as ... Just how many
Yankees was Joe Torre gonna take with him to Seattle ??? Or maybe this whole Japan voting thing
wasn't such a hot idea after seeing Ichiro Suzuki crean up ??? Hell, Itchy got so many votes even the Supreme
Court kept quiet. Or maybe it was the
way fans finally came to their senses and made sure the AL 3B starter was
hitting just .240 with 4 tates and 28 ribeyes.
No
Slammie for Jenny Cap as the Comeback Queen lost to some Belgian chick named
Justine Henin in the Wimbledon ladies semis.
Henin then got her chocolates waffled by Venus "Yeah Baby She's Got
It" Williams in Sunday's rainy finale.
Meanwhile, the men decided to stay for some extra tea and crumpets after
showers washed out the Patrick Rafter vs Goran Ivanisevic capper. And somewhere Pete and Andre are wondering
when the Seniors Tour will come calling.
So I
guess the price of a pair of cojones just went up over $252 million now. Yep, that was good old Pay Rod, who must be
sick and tired of his daily dose of blackened crow by now, punting the Home Run
Derby during All-Star festivities in Seattle this coming week. Said he didn't feel like hearing it from the
Mariner minions he left behind last fall.
As if the M's staggering 28-game lead over his new Stranger pals wasn't
loud enough already.
Just when
you think you've heard 'em all, along comes hotshot rookie QB Michael
Vick. In an interview describing his
struggles learning his new job, the Falcs' future record holder for most times
sacked burped up this most creative gem ... "Sometimes, I still get kind
of lost. There's so much. It's kind of like eating the elephant. You do it one
bite at a time." Um, you want
fries with that, Mike ??? I know, don't
tell me ... Tastes just like chicken, right ??? Man, those PETA whackjobs are gonna have a field day with this
one.
But the
Mother Of All All-Star Hissy Fits had to be the magically delicious argument
that erupted when Mets skip Bobby Valentine got inside Fish star Cliff Floyd's
kitchen big time. First, several weeks
ago, Cliffie called Bobby an idiot to which Bobby hinted that maybe Cliffie had
forgotten who's picking the NL bench this year. Then, Bobby told Cliffie he might take him after all only to
stiffie him after Cliffie had already bought 16 large worth of family plane tix
which naturally gave Cliffie a bad case of air rage. But late Sunday night, Met hurler Rick Reed backed out with a
stiff neck which was all the bone Bobby needed to toss Cliffie's way. Of course, knowing Valentine, now Cliffie's
gonna ride the NL pine all night long while slowly grinding his bat handles
into sawdust.
Saw the
preview for Woody Allen's new movie "The Curse of the Jade Scorpion"
over the weekend. Damn if the Woodman
hasn't aged quite a bit since last I saw him.
I mean, I'm talking serious geriatrics here, folks. Quite a jolt to the system. So much so that the only thing I could think
of was ... Wow, when did Lou Holtz get his Screen Actors Guild card ???
Some
scripts just seem to write themselves, don't they ??? Was there any other way for the Pepsi 400 to end Saturday night
at Daytona ??? All week long, the
NASCAR faithful fidgeted as the circuit returned for the summer race to the
site of Three's shocking death back in February. And heard amongst all the nervous chatter about busted seat belts
and restrictor plates and investigations and memorial tributes and all that was
just how cool it would be if Little E could actually win the damn race. This Bud's for you, Dad.
Didja see
last Tuesday night's highlights of minor league Pawtucket Red Sox hitter Izzy
Alcantara kicking the catcher in the mask following a little inside chin music
??? If you did, ouch, then you saw Izzy
nail the guy right in the chops with his spikes and then take off for the mound
... Whereupon the Scranton pitcher then followed a long-standing baseball
tradition by flinging his mitt chickwise left-handed at Izzy and running
away. Later on, the league told Izz to
kick back and relax without pay for the next six games. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Get ready
for the IOC to award the 2008 Summer Olympics to Beijing later this week. Two schools of thought here ... Clearly,
there's always the chance this could wind up another 1936 Berlin snowjob. Then again, 1988 Seoul was just what the
doctor ordered for South Korea. Bottom
line is it's probably about time a nation with one and a half billion people
hosted the stupid thing. Me, I'm just
hoping for decent egg rolls, plenty of duck sauce and I hope I don't hafta
visit the john an hour after watching each event.
Not to be
outdone in the tasty quote department, NASCAR driver Jeff "Not The
Ward" Burton had this to say about the dangerous racing conditions at
superspeedways like Daytona ... "What we do is so bizarre. The fans just
don't realize how many wrecks almost happen. If your wife almost burns dinner
20 times, there's going to be a time when she does burn dinner." Yeah, good one, Jeff. Although now you might wanna think about
picking up a sack of cheeseburgers at Mickey D's on your way home, dude.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.