Monday, 18-Jun-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Raider WR
Andre "A Hunka Hunka Burning Love" announced last week that he and
torch singer Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes are gonna get hitched next month
in Hotlanta. Yep, that's her, the same smokin'
hot babe who sings like an angel for TLC ... And the same one who ignited
Andre's massive crib seven years ago after a heated argument. Apparently, the ex-flames kissed and made up
a long time ago so now the nuptials are all set. No doubt backup double shifts down at the Atlanta Fire Department
are all set too.
This is
Tee Putter for CNN News. I'm here at The White House where the National
Security Council has just convened an emergency session to deal with this
weekend's tragedy in Tulsa. By now, you've heard the first sketchy bulletins
from Southern Hills Country Club. CNN
can now confirm the terrible news ... Eldrick "Tiger" Woods finished
12th at the US Open today. This
terrible tragedy is sending shock waves through the golf world as media members
now have to learn to spell and pronounce names like Retief Goosen and Mark
Brooks. CNN will stay on this breaking
story and bring you the latest information as we learn it. Back to you, Wolf.
Okay, so
the Lakers NBA repeat was inevitable.
Shaq Daddy is simply a force of nature and the Sixers were dunk bait
despite owner Pat Croce's best efforts atop the Walt Whitman Bridge. But there is one thing that baffles me ...
When did "battling adversity" become like the required SAT test for
winning champeenships ??? And it's not
just hoops, either. You hear the same
whine in all the major sports. Okay, so
Hell Ay had to get past some boo-boos and a nasty Kobe-Shaq ego spat. I mean, exactly how "adverse" can
it be to play games for coin ???
Hi, my name
is Magic and I'm a publicity addict.
Hi, Magic. Geez, does this guy
miss pancake makeup and klieg lights or what ??? Johnson's latest ink fest has him kinda sorta thinking about
maybe considering forming an exploratory committee to see if perhaps he might
someday run for Hell Ay mayor in a future election. "If I see candidates that are not for the people -- not
going to do the right job for the city, then I'm going to jump in," quoth
Mr Showtime. Hell, I have no doubt he'd
do it, too. Neither does Paul Westhead.
Grammy
Tonya, tell us another story, please ???
Sure, kids, gather round your old grandma. Hmm, let's see. Okay,
Timmy, do you know what breast implants are ??? You do ??? Well, way back
in '01, kids, your grandma got some help from the Silicone Fairy and then she
went out to Vegas to see if maybe one of the major casinos out there wanted to
produce a topless Ice Capades show. Ah,
those were the good times, kids. You
know, I even had a sponsor for that show.
Have you kids ever heard of the Bada Bing ???
Speaking
of Atlanta, this Gold Club racketeering trial involving several high profile
jocks just keeps getting better and better.
Last week's news came from Toronto as Raptors VIP Antonio Davis filed a
$50 million lawsuit against the strip club's former manager. Defamation, slander, negligent infliction of
emotional distress, the full monty. Okay, you take $50,000,000 and divide it by
12 players. That's about $4 million per
teammate. Which means, at $20 bucks a
pop, that's roughly 200,000 lap dances per Raptor. Suit up, girls.
Irony,
iro-ny (n), the incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events
and the normal or expected result ... For example, suppose Phineas T wants to
do something nice for retired pitcher Doc Gooden so he gives him a front office
job evaluating Yankee players. And
let's say Big Stein suggests Gooden attend Eckerd College in Florida to study
business administration. And let's say
that Doc's tuition bills are now covered by a clause in the first contract he
signed way back in 1982. When the Mets
drafted him.
By the
way, I've driven across the Walt Whitman Bridge too many times to count. Pat Croce is certifiably insane for climbing
up there to hang a Sixers banner. If
Philly and The Crazy Cuban's Mavericks ever hook up in an NBA Finals, they'll
hafta give David Stern a pacifier and put him in the "Kill Clouseau"
white padded room.
It's
gotta be the shoes. Couldn't possibly
be anything else, right, Martina ???
The Swiss Miss, fresh off getting her Aussie spanked down under and in
the French Open, filed suit against an Italian shoe company claiming their
sneaks are defective and cause her to lose tennis tournaments. Funny how that works. You don't hear Jen Capriati whining about
her wheels, do you ??? Then again, the
way she owns Hingis right now, Capriati could probably play in spiked heels and
kick major glute. Just do it, Martina.
What's up
in MLB ... Deion's done. So is Wally
Joyner. Apparently, my beloved Phillies
think they'd rather have a two-game lead over the Tomaflops instead of
eight. And while the Cubbies can't seem
to lose at the Friendly Confines, Lou Piniella-san's M's actually lead the AL
West by an obscene 19 games. Meanwhile,
Cardinal McGwire reminded Barry Bonds that the next 40 dingers on the way to
his record 70 will be the toughest.
Make that the next 38. Um,
36. Okay, make that the next 34 but they'll
definitely be the toughest.
Final
thoughts on the NBA Finals ... Man, can the Peacock sink any lower ??? Seriously, when did music acts like
Destiny's Child seem like a better idea than a halftime studio show ??? Can you even imagine the tube cutting away
to Hootie or Hanson when Be Like ruled ???
Look, the AeroSyncBritney stuff works for the NFL cause for half their
viewers the Supe is their one and only glimpse of the pig all year. But the only people watching hoops at 11
o'clock on a weeknight are hardcore hoops junkies. Astrophysics not.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.