Monday, 11-Jun-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
So there
I am on Friday night in proper couch position awaiting the Sixers vs Lakers NBA
Finals Game 2. And there's Marv Albert
and Doug "I Like Mike" Collins with their standard issue pre-game
babble. Shaq this, Allen that, Kobe
here, Dikembe there. Yeah, yeah,
whatever. And then it happens ...
Sweetie Pie saunters by, stops, looks at Marv, looks at me, looks back at Marv
and then slowly turns around and says ... "Hey, isn't that the guy who
wears girl's panties ???" To which
I could only reply ... "Yessssssss."
Ain't no
flies on the Colorado Avalanche who took home Lord Stanley's big Jell-O mold
with an emotional Game 7 win over the Debbils.
And so ends the epic odyssey for Ray Bourque who now at long last gets
to handle the holy hardware. Too bad
the tube drove his story into the ground though. Geez, Bourquemania was so thick I half expected to see Ray's high
school metal shop teacher recall the time young Ray made his own Cup outta tin
but then refused to touch it. Enough
already. Dude played a lotta
hockey. Next.
From our
Life Imitates Art department ... Last weekend in Milwaukee, Cubbies reliever
Jason Bere left his $112,000 Porsche with a hotel valet and headed to Miller
Park for that night's game against the Brew Crew. A little while later, some dude asked for the keys and then
zoomed off on an hour-long joyride before returning Bere's Porsche unharmed. Rumor has it Milwaukee police are now
looking for a truant white male, 18 years old, wearing a red Gordie Howe jersey
and complaining that he hasn't seen anything good all day. The suspect may also have been seen with a
righteous dude with a mysterious illness and his hot squeeze in tow.
Fairly
decent night on the mound for a 12-year-old Little Leaguer from Michigan named
Robert Knight who threw the perfect perfect game last week ... Six innings, no
runs, no hits, no errors, no walks and ... yep, you got it ... not one fair
ball. Nada, zip, zilch. All eighteen batters whiffed. But there was one problem ... Mom and Dad
were at other ball fields so they missed Robert's gem of gems. No, really, c'mon, Mom, I'm not lying. I did too strike out all the other
kids. Honest, just ask the coach, he'll
tell you.
Apparently,
the wedding vows for Olympic sprinter Marion Jones and putter of the shot CJ
Hunter musta said "until death or banned performance-enhancing steroids do
us part" cause the celebrated couple are taking their track and field in
different directions now. Citing
irreconcilable drug test results, Jones kissed off the suspended Hunter and
then scorched her fastest 200 meter time of the year at a Stanford track meet
on Saturday night. Thanks for playing,
CJ, and she's got some lovely parting gifts for you. Maybe.
I dunno
know about you but I love watching NFL teams get all torqued when star players
miss "voluntary" workouts.
Latest example is Colts dreadback Edgerrin James, the league's two-time
rushing champ, who's blowing off Indy's summer sessions. Which would be a serious problem unless The
Edge wasn't already in insane shape year round and the Colts hadn't changed a
thing in their offensive playbook since the last time Edge knew all their plays
by heart. Voluntary, v-o-l-u-n-t-a-r-y,
voluntary.
More from
the NBA Finals ... Hell Ay's unbeaten post-season went puff daddy as the gritty
Sixers smote the Goliaths with a Game 1 overtime stone to the head. But Chief Big Triangle's golden boys stormed
back to take Games 2 and 3 perhaps dampening any Sixer parade plans. Wherever this series goes from here, one
thing is for sure ... Allen Iverson is all that and a bag of chips. Quite possibly the most dominating little
man since Isiah Thomas. And maybe the
most infuriating too.
If it's
okay with you, I'm just gonna pretend Muhammad Ali's daughter didn't fight
Smokin' Joe Frazier's daughter last week except to say that every time you
think boxing can't possibly sink any lower, the sport finds yet another ring of
hell underneath it. Pathetic.
More NFL
nuggets ... Fresh off from taking the litigation gaspipe, Al Davis called Dan
Rooney and Carmen Policy "two punks who cheated flagrantly on the salary
cap." Guess we won't see Al at any
owner's meetings any time soon.
Meanwhile, Jerry Rice signed with the Raiders which naturally got ESPN
all hot and bothered once again. And
Randy Moss said his next Vikes contract had better be worth $100 million or
else he'll take off even more plays from now on.
Jennifer
Capriati rules ... Look, you win your first women's Grand Slam tennis title
after a stirring comeback from an epic teenage weed and petty crime binge and
you're gonna raise a lotta eyebrows across the sports world. But follow that up with a dominating French
Open tour de force and we're talking big time here, baby. Like Hallmark Hall of Fame Sunday Night
Chick Movie of the Week big. I'm
telling you, I'll betcha Valerie Bertinelli is taking tennis lessons as we
speak.
Point
well taken as Point Given kicked major horses' ass at the 133rd Belmont
Stakes. PG's impressive dozen length
romp was trainer Bob Baffert's first Belmont win but alas no Triple Crown since
the big chestnut colt mossed the Derby last month. Man, this has gotta be killing Baffert since he's already saddled
two horses, Real Quiet and Silver Charm, who both won Kaintuck and Preakness but
spit the bit on the sidewalks of New York.
C'mon, Bob, put 'em all together now.
I know I wanna see another Trip.
Somebody
please wake me when interleague play is over.
You know, I can't think of another idea the lords of baseball have come
up with that started out with such promise but fell as flat as this one has by
now. No doubt hardcore fans in
doubled-up regions like New York, Chicago, the Bay Area and SoCal love it but
there are way too many other lame matchups like Twins-Buccos and Spos-O's to
keep it around much longer. I think
I'll watch the College World Series ping-a-thon for a while.
Two weeks
ago, former Tennessee hoopette star Michelle Marciniak was cut by the WNBA's
Portland Fire. So she drove to Seattle to see if the Storm might sign her. Low on coin and with no place to stay,
Marciniak lived in her Jeep Cherokee for eight days before she hooked up with
Katrina Hibbert who worked out with her, taught her the Storm playbook and even
gave her a place to sleep. So last
week, Seattle indeed offered Michelle a contract which she quickly inked. And by now you know what's coming next. Yes, ma'am, last Wednesday's WNBA
transaction wire ... Seattle --- Released G Katrina Hibbert. Ouch.
Rest in
peace, Coach McKay. Make sure you
remind St Peter of those first two years you suffered with the Bucs. I'm sure he'll wave you right on in.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.