Monday, 7-May-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Helluva
horse race on Saturday as Monarchos blistered the Kaintuck Derby field in 1:59
and change, second only to some horse named Secretary something. You know, I try never to miss the Derby
cause it's always great tube. I mean,
where else can you see that many fat wallets completely hammered on bourbon and
sugar water sweating bullets as a 4-foot jockey handles a ton of horse going 35
mph ??? Toss in an equal number of
tipsy trophy babes wearing giant frisbee hats and that's guaranteed boffo box
office.
Say
whatever you want about Prime Time but years from now you'll be bouncing your
grandkids on your knee telling 'em Deion Sanders stories. The dude's got serious game, that's all there
is to it. Last Tuesday, Deion was back
in The Show batting second for Cincy and going 3-for-3 including a three-run
jack to lead the Reds past the Dodgers.
And best part of all is by saying zip about his football plans for next
season, he's probably gonna pocket all $8 million of that Dead$kin signing
bonus he got last year. No doubt that's
the first time Deion ever made a pile by shutting up.
Thank
you, Mavs. And thank you, Raptors. No more Jazz and no more Knicks. Sweet, very sweet. Yeah, I know Utah is a classy bunch and the Knicks never have a
dull moment but they've both had enough ringless go-rounds on the merry. Good afternoon, good evening and good
night. And so Round 2 Game 1's are in
the books and the Raps, Lakers, Starbucks and Spurs each snagged 1-zip
leads. This could very well be the best
round of the offs as all four series could go the distance.
Boy, I
just cannot wait until soccer hits the big time here. With luck, soon we'll have our very own collapsible stadium roofs
and mass panic stampedes.
More
Derby think ... Didja see where Rick Pitino and Bobby Hurley both had their
ponies in the race ??? Man, we need
more jocks with their own horses ... We could have Tonya Harding's
Leadpipecinch, Steve Young's Catscan, Darryl Strawberry's Buy A Nose, co-owners Barry Switzer and George Seifert's Coat Tails, Rod Strickland's Dee
You Eye, Tie Domi's Suckerpunch, Rickey Henderson's Rickey Henderson, Brandi
Chastain's World Cups and Chuck Knoblauch's Eee Four. And they're off ...
Speaking
of Tie Domi, his Stanley Cup grind is toast after he elbowed Lieutenant
Niedermayer in the head late in Toronto's Game 4 win over the Debbils last
week. To their credit, NHL brass
quickly iced Domi until next year but, sheesh, just when you think the NHL is
ready to make a move, seems like it's always thug time. At any rate, the Sabes are giving the Marios
fits, the Blues broomed the aging Stars and Kings G Felix Potvin whitewashed
the Lanche twice in a row to tie that series up at 3-all. Game 7 coming right up.
From the
political arena ... On Sunday, POTUS opened his second taxpayer-financed
baseball facility. This time it was the
new T-ball field he had built on the White House South Lawn. The Satchel Paige Memphis Red Sox played the
Capitol City Rockies in front of Bob "Another Hot Pocket, Mini-Me?"
Costas, the San Diego Chicken, injured major leaguer Nomar Garciaparra and
those adorable Secret Service German Shepherds sniffing for drugs and
weapons. Welcome to the Bush League,
kids.
Last week,
the WNBA's Hell Ay Sparks announced a joint promotional arrangement with Girl
Bar, a famous Hollywood nightclub catering to, um, well, let's just say ...
girls. Lots and lots of 'em, if you get
my drift. There'll be pep rallies and
autographs and ticket giveaways and special seating areas at the Staples Center
and so on. Not that there's anything
wrong with that but I'm getting a distinct whiff of marketing desperation here.
I mean, how many games can Melissa Etheridge, kd lang and Ellen Degeneres attend
???
More
baseball ... The Strangers axed skipper Johnny Oates after the painful reality
set in that their $252,000,000 shortstop can't catch the moonshots their
pitchers keep serving up. Also, David
Wells, lefty hurler for the first-to-worst ChiSox, popped off after teammate
Frank Thomas missed several games with a Little Hurt while Minnesota fans gave
the Twin Fingers to Duck Knoblauch in Yankee left field. And not to be outdone, Hideo Nomo faced
Ichiro Suzuki for the first time on this side of the Pacific and promptly
drilled him for something that happened years ago over on that side of the
Pacific. Bonzai.
This Dale
Earnhardt mess is twisting NASCAR's knickers in some painful knots ...
Fascinating stuff, really. They keep
insisting Three got killed cause his seat belt broke yet they refuse to let
anyone see it and now last week the EMT who worked the driver's side door said
not only was the belt intact but that incredibly no one from NASCAR has ever
talked to him as part of any investigation.
Sure looks like they've forgotten the first rule when you find yourself
in a hole ... Stop digging, NASCAR.
Sooner or
later, this was bound to happen ... A 19-year-old college softball wannabe from
Pennsylvania is suing her high school coach for $700,000 cause she apparently
can't get a college scholarship to play ball.
In her suit, Cheryl Reeves contends that umpires now call an illegal
pitch each time she pitches using the little crow hop that Roy Jenderko allegedly
taught her. Okay, cue the Johnny Cochrane
rhymes ... If the lady can't play, the coach must pay. If the hop must go, then
give her the dough. If the pitch is a bitch, the girl gets rich.
Rest in
peace, Happy Hairston. Tell Wilt we
said to please leave the ladies alone.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.