Monday, 30-Apr-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
The Heat
is on. The Heat is on-on. On summer vacation, that is. Easily the most shocking NBA offs outcome so
far is Lez Hornets absolutely crushing poor poor pitiful Miami. Two straight
26-point SoFlo wipeouts and a 15-point sweepjob in front of a giddy Hive sent
Riley's Roughnecks looking for the Advil bottle. Ex-Heater Jamal Mashburn had a monster series while Baron
"Von Flying Circus" Davis left scorch marks all over both courts. Hell, even the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man
buried his treys. Who are these guys
???
We need a
new law ... Next time Baltimore schedules a champeenship parade, everybody has
to walk. Back in January, one of the
buses carrying the Supe champ Ravens traded paint with a Baltimore police
cruiser and now, just last week, some leadfoot ran a red and plowed into the
parade wheels toting the new heavyweight boxing champ, Hasim Rahman, and his
Crabtown family. Fortunately, nobody
was badly hurt but rumor has it the paramedics wouldn't treat the injured until
the other driver had gone to a neutral corner.
Dear
Charlie Ward: Shut. Up. Best regards,
Judaism. P.S. Good luck finding an agent.
Tough
week for some big name college coaches ... First, Utah hoops boss Rick Majerus
needed 27 stitches in his leg following a bizarre mishap at LAX on
Thursday. Apparently, Majerus was
standing in the van taking him to his rental car when the van swerved and
dumped him into the door well.
Meanwhile, head Cock Lou Holtz forgot to put his car in park while
checking his mailbox and hurt his hip and back when a local youngster tried to
help him but drove the car in reverse and ripped the door right off. Shake it off, Lou, shake it off.
And
speaking of the New York Knickerbockers ... If it's not the afore-mentioned Mr
Ward and his rather interesting theories on ancient history reflected in modern
religion, it's a damn hostage crisis at Marcus Camby's mom's house in
Connecticut. On Monday, one of Camby's
sisters suffered a few minor knife cuts and the attacker is now looking at some
serious Oz time if convicted. Wow, I
know this thing was serious but still you can't help but wonder if this wacky
bunch can ever have a normal day.
More NBA
offs tidbits ... The Lakers swept Portland outta their misery. The Fail Blazers, whose $90 million payroll
is the highest in league history, just completely self-destructed this year led
by Rasheed Wallace who most definitely disrespected the Bing. Meanwhile, TMac kept the Magicmen alive
against the Starbucks while the Kings, Sixers, Knicks, Jazz and Spurs are also
sitting on 2-1 series leads. One more
week of this prelim stuff and we'll be all set for two more weeks of this
prelim stuff.
Thank God
the XFL is done. Now I have so much
more time on my hands to pay attention to the WUSA.
Very
strange weekend at Texas Motor Speedway as CART actually called off the
Firestone Firehawk 600 ... Seems the drivers were getting dizzy during practice
from the extra G forces imposed by the new track's very steep banked
turns. A track doc claimed some drivers
would've passed out during the race while one dude even compared his laps to an
F-16 flight he'd once taken. And so CART
wisely scuttled it until they can figure out some way to slow things down that
doesn't involve the wall. Gentlemen,
start your hearses.
More on
this Charlie Ward mess ... I seem to recall a coupla years ago Knicks big
cheese Dave Checketts wanted Dennis Rodman slapped after Worm mouthed off
against the Mormons in Utah. Checketts,
a devout Mormon himself, was furious at the slurs and demanded The Sterminator
both fine and suspend Rodman from further play that year. But now that one of his own players pops off
against Jews, it was all just "taken out of context although objectionable
as quoted". Thanks for clearing
that up, Dave.
And
here's another entry for our All-Pro Career Suicide Move ... Ted Fitzgeorge,
the public address mike for the Florida Firecats, an Arena2 Football team, got
his plug pulled when he pitched an unauthorized adult Web site during a break
in play last weekend. First of all, I
didn't even know the original Arena League was a daddy. Musta missed that memo by a mile. However, can it get any funnier than hearing
"Hey, fans, log on to smut.com for all your porn needs." Boy, I'll betcha Vince McMahon is pissed he
didn't think of that.
Yet
another normal week in MLB ... Rickey Henderson broke Babe Ruth's career record
for most walks and then got thrown out trying to steal second which delighted
the Pads so much they put him on "special waivers". Meanwhile, Sweet Lou Piniella-san has his
M's at 20-5 behind Japanese stars Ichiro Suzuki and Kazuhiro Sasaki. Ichiro is so famous in beisbol-mad Japan
there's a standing offer of $2 mill for a locker room photo of him in all his
divine wind glory. Aye, must focus
lens, Daniel-san. Now show Miyagi "pull the towel".
Semi-quiet
week in Puckland's conference semis ... Mario's Pens are up 2-zip on the Sabes while
the Debs and Mapes are locked at one all.
Same goes for Blues up two nothing on the Stars while the Lanche and
Kings are all tied up themselves at 1 game apiece. Naturally, the Cup grind is filling up sick bay as Jaromir Jagr
and Mike Modano are both nicked. And
those two haven't even played against Scott Stevens yet. Ouch.
And
speaking of the Padres, they're scheduled to play the Zona D-Backs at home on
Sunday, 9-Sep-2001. So big whoop, you
say. Well, guess who else is scheduled
to play at The Murph that day ???
Bingo, them Bolts play Danny Boy's Dead$kins in San Diego on Sunday,
9-Sep-2001. Obviously this conflict
will get solved somehow but until then, I propose we book the great George
Carlin as both the halftime and the 7th inning stretch act. Baseball is played in a park. Football is played in a stadium. Baseball has the sacrifice. Football has the bomb.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.