Monday, 23-Apr-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
Lord
Stanley is up and running ... As usual, Merion Golf Club is booking Flyer tee
times as the Broad Street Pansies rolled over and put all four paws in the air
against the Sabes. Meanwhile, the Sens
took the major gaspipe, eh, against the Maple Leafs while the Kings look like
they'll spank the banged up Central Red Army Wings. The champ Debbils let the Canes get a little frisky before
turning their lights out, Mario is giving the Caps fits and the Lanche, Blues
and Stars all advanced. Next up is a
month of endless overtimes.
And the
NBA offs are stylin' as well ... All eight first-round series are 1-zip with
the Bucks, Knicks, Hornets, Pacers, Suns, Lakers, Jazz and Spurs leading off. Most of the predictions I've seen have San
Antone winning it all over General GQ's Miami Heat. But the SoFlo boys got a waxjob against Dem Bugs at home Saturday
night and Tim "Not The Penny" Hardaway is gimpy so their road is all
uphill. And yes, the SI jinx, not to
mention Cheryl's little brother, nailed the angry Sixers in their series
opener. Better find The Answer quick,
Larry.
Got my
copy of "The Natural" on DVD last week ... Boy, if there's a bad luck
charm any worse than Memo Paris, she'd hafta be named Derrick Coleman. Also, I wonder if Bobby Savoy is Annie
Savoy's dad ??? And how come Max Mercy
needs a camera when he just draws his own pictures anyway ??? Not to mention that old ballpark's lighting
system. Man, it musta really sipped if
popping just one bulb was enough to explode the entire grid. Oh, and next time, Roy, please let The
Whammer hit away cause then that Barbara Hershey psychobabe woulda shot him
instead.
Evidently
the Twinks didn't get the memo about how small market, barrel bottom baseball
teams ain't supposed to win. Like
having several fresh young lefties on the staff is a new breakthrough in
astrophysics. Best part is most of that
frisky Twin Cities talent came courtesy of that 1998 Duck Knoblauch trade with
the Yanks. Oh yah, you betcha. And looky looky at my beloved Phillies
sitting pretty in the NL East ... I'm guessing new skip Larry Bowa's cheeks are
hurting from that Clark Griswold smile he's sporting. Too bad the schedule still has 145 games to go.
You know,
this getting old stuff is starting to get really, um, old ... It was bad enough
when Bret and Aaron Boone made The Show.
Sigh, I watched them as toddlers playing with their dad, Bob Boone, at
the Phillies annual Father's Day game.
And there've been others whose dads I watched ... David Bell, Jose Cruz
Jr, Brian McRae and Ken Griffey Jr, of course.
But this one really hits home.
In 1968, I saw the San Francisco Baseball Giants play a hotshot rookie
outfielder ... And now Bobby Bonds' kid has 500 dingers. Yikes.
Package
for Mr Lewis. Package for Mr Lennox
Lewis. It's your ass, Mr Lewis. Handed to you courtesy of the gloved right
fist of Mr Hasim Rahman in what's the word Johannesburg late Saturday
night. And just like that ... Rahman's
fifth round bomb poleaxed the obviously unprepared champ and puff daddied a
potential $100 million title fight with Mike Tyson. Man, last time I saw a fighter drop like that was Apollo Creed's
face-first canvas kisser against Ivan Drago.
Say hello
to your XFL champeens, the Los Angeles Xtreme who routed the San Francisco
Demons in the beleaguered league's inaugural Million Dollar Game. And somewhere Dan Reeves is smiling since he
had said all along that Tommy Maddox would someday lead a team to a
championship. Too bad nobody watched
it.
Stop the
presses ... For the first time in ten years, someone other than a Kenyan won
the Boston Marathon last Monday. This
time it was a Korean runner named Bong.
Followed closely by some other guys named Roach Clip, Rolling Papers,
Hookah and Hash Pipe. Sorry, couldn't
resist. Man, now I'm hungry. Anybody got any brownies ???
Speaking
of Dan Reeves, the Falcs boss rolled the dice and traded up with the Bolts to
take Michael Vick with the first pick in the NFL draft on Saturday. Gee ya think San Diego was just a tad shy
about picking another young gunslinger ???
That Ryan Leaf fiasco is gonna be playin' with their heads for years. At any rate, Reeves and Vick make a
fascinating pair cause the old warhorse loves his three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-plastic
ground game while VapoRub is 110% pure flash and sizzle. This has Larry Brown and Allen Iverson
written all over it and I can't wait to see this show.
More NFL
draft notes ... Mel Kiper's hair still hasn't moved. Joe Theismann still hasn't liked anybody's pick yet. And Chris "Foghorn Leghorn" Berman
slobbered all over himself trading babble with Bill Walsh and Ron Wolf, two
pasture-in-waiting GM's making their final picks. Sometimes I wonder just how much more air they can pump into the
hype balloon for this annual pig meat market.
Only logical thing to do next is declare it a national holiday, I guess.
If you're
at all into The Sopranos, then you've been tuned into HBO a lot lately. And so by now, you're hip to the fack that
Billy Crystal's "61*" debuts next weekend. Boy, now there's a surprise ... Billy Crystal makes a cable movie
about the Yankees. Go figure. I guess Gheorghe Muresan was too busy to do
"My Giant: The Next Foot".
Anyway, to Crystal's credit, casting Barry Pepper, the guy who played
the sniper in "Saving Private Ryan", was a no-brainer cause that dude
looks exactly like Roger Maris. If
pinstripes do it for you, enjoy.
You heard
it here first ... Someday medical science will call it the "Jordan
Syndrome" or maybe "Belikeitis". Cause there has to be a name for whatever's itching His
Airness. At this point, MJ ain't doing
squat to make this comeback rumor go away and nobody repeat nobody believes he
pink slipped Leonard Hamilton and hired Doug Collins, Jordan's old pre-Phil
Bulls coach, just for kicks. He's a
challenge junkie, he said it himself. I
dunno, maybe Stuart Smalley can help him.
Doggone it, Mike, please stay home.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.