Monday, 9-Apr-2001
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
So don't
call it an official Grand Slam. Call it
a "Fiscal Slam" instead like Jack Nicklaus suggested. Whatever the term, we're seeing true
greatness here, folks. El Tigre outshot
Lefty Phil and David Duval, the man in the Bite Me Oakleys, down the back nine
at The Masters and so his trophy case now holds the hardware for all four
majors. You know, I'm like a lotta
casual golf fans ... Masters Sunday is about all I ever watch in any one
year. But Tiger Woods is changing that
for everybody. He is Must See TV.
Ain't no
flies on the Dookies who nailed K's third NCAA title last Monday night against
the Zona Cats. Best part of any Duke
hoops title, of course, is the year's worth of blackened crow piled high on the
training table next door at the Evil Empire.
And now that Krzyzewski has passed Snuffy Smith for keeps, that burnt
bird is all the more savory. Well done,
Mike.
Did I
read this correctly ??? They rioted on
the Purdue campus after the Lady Boils lost the champeenship game to Notre Dame
??? Not just any old riot either ...
Burning cars, riot cops, tear gas, the whole she-bang. You gotta be kidding me. It's chick hoops, fer cryin' out loud. Not only that but Purdue won this title just
two years ago. New offering in the
course catalog ... Life 101. Sign up
now.
Move over
Bobby Orr ... Bahston's newest hockey hero is Krys Kolanos who scored the
overtime goal to lead Boston College over North Dakota for the Frozen Four title. First BC title in 52 years. Naturally, the Eagles almost bucknered it
near the end there by letting the Fighting Sioux score tioux late goals to tie
it. But Kolanos quickly got loose on
the wing and stuffed the winner home.
Anybody know if he can play a little first base ???
You might
wanna skip this one if you just ate ... An Aussie rugby player named John
Hopoate was recently suspended for twelve matches after he was caught on tape,
well, um, goosing his opponents on the field during play. As if that's not gross enough there's still
more ... The New Zealand Cancer Society is now using a rather indelicate photo
of Hopoate performing his hidden thumb trick in an advertisement promoting
regular prostate cancer exams ... And the catch line is "It won't hurt a
bit." Ouch, bummer, man.
Okay,
give us back our billion dollar spy plane and our two dozen servicemen or I
swear we're gonna boo Wang Zhizhi. The
7-footer, whose name in Chinese loosely translates to "Shaq Dunk
Bait", became the NBA's first Asian player when he joined the Crazy Cube's
Mavs last week. And, in a moment right
outta Hollywood central, The Wanger sank the bucket that won free Taco Hell
chalupas for all the Dallas fans in attendance that night. Is this a great country or what ???
Hideo
Nomo tossed the first BoSox no-hitter in thirtysomething years against the
awful Orioles last Wednesday. Amazingly, Nomo joined Cy Young, Nolan Ryan and
Jim Bunning as the only hurlers with hitless gems in both leagues. Meanwhile, POTUS opened Milwaukee's new
Miller Park, The Spos swept the Metropolitans, Scott Williamson is done for the
year and Darryl Strawberry finally showed up not dead. Just your typical opening week.
Get ready
for ESPN The Fish ... Last week, the Bristol boys bought the Bass Anglers
Sportsmen Society, the organization that runs a buncha those fishing
tournaments. With any luck, they'll
assign Chris Berman to do the commentary so he can work his tired shtick on a
new audience for a change. And take Stu
Scott with you, Boomer. Now there's a
coupla largemouths, for sure.
What else
is new in The Association ... Derrick Coleman returned to Dem Bugs and they
promptly went in the tank. Again. Rain Man checked into drug rehab. Hard to believe Shawn Kemp is still owed $77
million on his contract. Charles Oakley
needs to see Dr Melfi real quick. And
league suits are actually thinking about scrapping those bizarre illegal
defense rules and allowing zone defenses next season. Yeah, that's just what we need ... More Rileyesque 65-63
games. Think, McFly.
Boy, Jim
"Wow, What A Moment" Nantz sure must pinch himself during this week
every year. First, he and Billy
"Tough Shot" Packer call the Monday night NCAA title tilt and then
Nantz flies to Augusta to anchor The Masters weekend booth. Either he's the best gush artist The Eye's
got or he's got pictures of CBS suits with small furry pets or something. Hard to imagine a week's worth of tube work
better than that.
Hold all
calls, we have a winner ... This year's Dumb And Dumber Award goes to John
Croce, brother of Sixers owner Pat Croce and the team's conditioning coach, who
was fired after stealing Allen Iverson's pocket cash from his locker during
recent Sixer home games. Okay fine,
maybe Iverson's got the fattest wallet in that clubhouse but he's also got a
fully armed posse at every game. And
trust me, I's guys make Otis Day's date-dancin' pals at the Dexter Lake look
like an Ivy League glee club.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2001 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.