Monday, 25-Sep-2000
Spurious
thoughts and idle musings from the sports week just past ...
His name
is Joe-Jo Jones. He was born in a small
town called Smalltown. For his third
birthday, Joe-Jo got a shiny new tricycle.
When he was five, Joe-Jo's loving parents, Joe and Jo Jones, moved
west. Joe-Jo pedaled his tricycle to
school each day until he graduated.
When Joe-Jo was 16, he met his future wife, the lovely Su-Sue Smith, at
Nationals. Now, ten long years and
countless skinned knees later, Joe-Jo is on the verge of Olympic glory. Next up is Joe-Jo's one final shot at
synchronized rhythmic tricycle gold.
He'll be attempting his signature routine, the always tough Triple
Wheelie With Slinky. Stay tuned. We'll
be right back after this message from Tiger Woods Feminine Mist.
Giants,
Cardinals and White Sox all clinched their divisions. Braves and Yanks are all but sealed. Mets have at least an NL wildcard tie while the M's and A's are
battling for the AL West with the Injuns, Jays and Red Sox gasping for AL
wildcard life. David Wells got his 20th
win while managers Larry Dierker, Buck Showalter, Felipe Alou, Jack McKeon,
Terry Francona, Larry Rothschild, Davey Johnson and Gene Lamont are all just
about ready to take their walks down the Green Mile.
Apparently
last week was NFL Widemouth Receiver Week as both Jerry Rice and Keyshawn
Johnson popped off in public. Rice
somehow came to the startling conclusion that his struggling Niners absolutely
just hadda know about his plans for next season already. Meanwhile, Keyshawn held a press gig to bash
Jet coach Al Groh and ex-teammate Wayne Chrebet. Called him a flashlight to his star. Naturally, The Flashlight got the last laugh by hauling in Sunday's
game-winner over The Star Bucs. Party
time, excellent.
Synchronized
synchronized platform platform diving diving ??? Where where did did this this new new "event event"
come come from from ??? Geez geez, were
were the the Olympics Olympics really really hurting hurting for for new new
medals medals this this bad bad ??? Although
although I I will will admit admit I I would would most most definitely
definitely give give perfect perfect scores scores to to any any pair pair who
who nailed nailed double double cannonballs cannonballs.
Speaking
of the A's ... Jason "Heads Up, Pee-wee" Giambi is about to wrap up a
monster season ... Try .330 with 38 taters and 126 ribeyes. Anyway, Giambi freely admits he speaks at
least once a day to a psychic named Azra Shafi-Scagliarini. Apparently, former A's pitcher Ron Darling
was her first jock client. Darling's
assessment ??? "Azra's
omniscient. She's like Nostradamus but
with a better body." Among Azra's
other clients ... N'Sync, The Backstreet Boys and Princess Fergie. Just thought you'd like to know.
You up
for some more cheap shots at Peacock Pics coverage ??? Sure, why not ... I dunno, maybe I watch way
too many movies but every time NBC flashes those annoying "Log On Right
This Very Second" graphics, I get the creepy feeling the production staff
is just way too fond of "Starship Troopers". Somehow, I keep expecting Rico's Roughnecks
to drag a brain bug outta the swimming pool so Doogie Howser can tell us what
it's thinking. Then again, if Denise
Richards were to ... Uh, never mind.
NFL Week
4 tidbits ... Terrell Owens added a new chapter to the Niners cherished
"Winning With Class" tradition.
Not content to simply score sixes, Owens sprinted to the 50 yard line
and spiked the pig in the Poke star.
Later, Emmitt Smith returned the favor only to see Owens do it again and
touch off a nice little brawl. Letters
from Tags to follow, no doubt.
Meanwhile, the Rams are still lined up to kickoff against the
Falcs. And my Igglets found the
universal cure to all pig woes ... A Saints game, of course.
Patrick
Ewing a Sonic ??? Now that is gonna
look weird. As will the rings the
Knicks will win next June.
How about
this for a new twist to men's gymnastics ???
Weight classes. Yeah, just like
boxing, we could have flyweights, bantams,
middleweights and obviously the heavyweights. I mean I might even consider paying green for a heavyweight
gymnastics match. Can you imagine Ivan
Drago on the highbar ??? Extra bonus
style points for snapping the bar in two doing a giant circle. Or how about Ahnold on floor ex or Shaq on
rings ??? Tell me that wouldn't be
mesmerizing watching Fu do an iron cross.
Not to mention hilarious.
Greetings,
Professor Falken ... Last Tuesday, the massive honkin' new video scoreboard at
Arkansas Razorback Stadium inadvertently sent out an emergency radio signal
indicating a downed aircraft ... Which was picked up all the way over at
Langley AFB in Hampton, VA ... Who then ordered the Arkansas Civil Air Patrol
to scramble. Fortunately, the FAA
nailed the source in time to sound the recall.
Said the FAA spokesman ... "The source was positively identified as
a Jumbotron." How about a nice
game of chess ???
The word
is fun (n.) -- 1. A source of enjoyment, amusement, or pleasure. 2. Enjoyment, amusement. 3. Playful, often noisy activity. Not that the Russian little flying girls
team has ever heard of it. Especially
Svetlana "Lawn Stork" Khorkina who, now that she's an ancient 21
years old, could use a beer and a boy big time. Yikes, that chicklet was wrapped tighter than Calvin Schiraldi
with an 0-2 count. And no truth to the
rumor the Romanian pixies celebrated their team gold by sharing a carrot stick
and a club soda.
Learn
something new every day, I suppose ... Man, I coulda sworn an "Elfi
Schlegel" was one of those new mysterious female hot zones the medical
staff at Cosmopolitan keep finding every other week. As in ... "Ten Ways To Help Him Find Your Elfischlegel"
or "Your Elfischlegel And You: What Every Woman Needs To Know". But, apparently I musta missed the memo
saying "What's It All About" Elfi would have a hot mike right
alongside Tim "This Is So Tragic" Daggett and Al "Why Me And Not
Tesh" Trautwig.
This just
in ... NBC is reporting that Tommie Smith and John Carlos took gold and bronze
in the men's 200 meter dash in the 1968 Mexico City Olympics. The network refuses to confirm that an air
quote political incident took place during the medals ceremony saying only that
Olympic viewers should tune in later tonight at 10:30 pm Eastern time, 7:30 pm
on the West coast for the full up close and personal story on this momentous
event.
There. I stuck my dismount. Turn to the left, turn to the right, turn to
the front. Smile pose, smile pose,
smile pose. Now scamper over and get a
coach hug and we're done.
See ya
nexted week ...
Robert E Hunt Jr
Copyright ã 2000 by Robert E Hunt Jr. All rights reserved.
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